


Not A Fairytale

by Billxbesitztxmeinxherz



Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, First Time, M/M, Twincest - Not Related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-16
Updated: 2011-11-16
Packaged: 2017-10-26 04:18:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/278611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Billxbesitztxmeinxherz/pseuds/Billxbesitztxmeinxherz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <div class="center">
<b>A Big Bang Challenge Fic</b><p>Tom likes playing games with young Bill's mind.</p></div>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Bill is eighteen years old when he tells Tom he hates him_

It was raining outside.

It was raining outside as a raven-haired boy in a graduation gown ran across an empty school campus. Most of the population was indoors for such weather or attending the graduation that had to be moved inside. Bill Trumper is the raven-haired boy foolish enough to be out in such weather. Lightening cracked overhead and while Bill was scared, his feet continued running to a destination that even he was unsure about.

All Bill could think about is that he needed to get out of there. All Bill could think about was how much his pride has been hurt. All Bill could think about is damn Tom Kaulitz.

Bill stepped in a puddle that caused a large amount of water to stain his forest green gown. Lightening cracked again overhead and Bill's graduation cap fell off as a voice called after him.

"Bill!" The faint voice of Tom Kaulitz called after him. Bill was panting from exertion now, but his pace did not slow even when his legs burned.

"Bill!" Tom called again and Bill sobbed. The rain had done a good job of hiding his tears up to this point.

"Fuck off!" Bill's scream echoed throughout the stone buildings of the campus. Still the pounding of feet on pavement pursued Bill and only seemed to pick up with speed.

The front part of Bill's shoe caught on an uneven cobblestone and he was spent falling. He landed in a huge puddle, totally soaking his gown now, when Tom finally caught up to him.

"Bill." Tom said again putting a hand on the boy's shoulder, which was quickly slapped away.

"Get away from me." Bill muttered, staring down at his reflection in the puddle in which he kneeled.

"Bill." Tom said simply again and it annoyed the boy to no end.

"Fuck off! You shouldn't be here! You shouldn't have come! How dare you!" Bill gritted his teeth together before standing up on his own.

He tipped his chin up so that he could stare at the other down the bridge of his nose.

"Tom Kaulitz, I hate you!"

* * *

_Bill is ten years old when he first likes a boy_

Bill bit his lip and looked down at his hands. Mrs. Durless had just divided the class up into groups of two for a project, when Bill was paired with Andrej Pejic.

Andrej had been in every one of Bill’s classes since kindergarten and the raven-haired boy had never thought much of him. That was until Andrej had chased off some bullies that were picking on Bill one day. It was after that Bill’s hands started to sweat whenever Andrej was around or his stomach would flutter uncomfortably.

“You cut the paper into squares.” Andrej instructed, getting right down to business the moment he sat down. Bill blinked at the blonde for a moment; mind rudely awakened from daydreaming about the rare moments Andrej smiled.

“W-what?” Bill shook his head, looking to the glue sticks and scissors that had been placed before them.

“If we divide the work up we should be able to finish before recess.” Andrej sounded slightly annoyed, as he whittled away at the colorful construction paper, “After that we should have enough squares to make a checkerboard. It’s common sense.”

“Well of course.” Bill blushed profusely, slightly insulted by Andrej’s words, “You’d have to be thick not to know that.”

Andrej glanced slightly at him through his peripheral vision but Bill made a point of seeming entranced with cutting the paper. Andrej really did have the most beautiful eyes, they were like two blue orbs reminiscent of the sea, and Bill found himself slightly obsessed with their color. A few moments passed before Andrej made a small noise of amusement and returned to the task at hand.

It was in that moment that Bill just wanted to die of embarrassment. Bill was awfully shy as a young child and it would only be until after he met a certain person that Bill would truly come out of his shell. But for now, Bill dutifully cut up the paper into squares, meanwhile, the whole time floating that he was sitting next to Andrej Pejic.

Bill went to recess that day thinking over his strange feelings when around Andrej. The other boys and girls of the class were already quickly discovering that cooties did not exist and were developing little crushes on one another. Bill could not even think of a single person in the class that he took a particular liking to except for Andrej.

Yes, Bill decided, he did rather like Andrej. Then young Bill Trumper went home that day, all the while thinking happy childish thoughts of the boy with the blue eyes like that of the sea.

* * *

_Bill is eleven years old when he meets Tom Kaulitz_

The front door of the Trumper household opened with a loud bang as Bill was startled from his homework. Fifth grade was proving to be a lot harder than elementary school, accompanied by new loads of homework that Bill despised. In the past year Bill was also starting to undergo different changes as well. Bill had grown three inches, resulting in a new wardrobe purchased from the ‘pre-teen’ section in the mall, which made Bill feel very grown up. He’d also grown his hair out longer with a considerable amount of fringe in the front rather than the short close-shaven cut Bill’s mother had always insisted on.

“Hey squirt!” The sounds of multiple sneakers on the hardwood floors of the foyer are heard, “I’m home!”

“Gustav!” Bill dropped his pencil immediately and rushed towards the door, prepared to engulf his older brother in hug. Bill rounded the corner of the living room, arms extended, when he slammed into a much taller and much more firm figure. Bill was knocked to the ground on his behind, when he looked up to see a total stranger.

There are two boys with Gustav that Bill has never seen before. Both have ghastly white complexions but differ in hairstyles, one with chestnut hair the other with black. However the particular person that Bill had slammed into is the one of the two wearing glasses. The teenage boy stared down at Bill with darkened eyes and Bill’s heart skipped a beat.

“Who are you?” Bill frowned, looking to the chestnut-haired boy who sent Bill _that_ smile. It’s the smile that the elderly give young children even when the children are not so young anymore and Bill sent the boy a scowl.

“Eh,” Gustav scratched at his blonde hair, “This is Georg Listing and Tom Kaulitz. We’ve gotta do a chemistry report that’s due on Monday, so they might be hanging around here for the next few days.”

Bill turned away from the one called Georg and looked to his older brother. The Trumper family had moved to Barnegat, New Jersey mid summer two years ago. It had been initially difficult for the Trumper boys to make friends. However, after the first day of elementary school, Bill was already pretty settled in, Gustav on the hand seemed to have trouble making friends in high school. Bill was a lot brighter than he led others to believe and he immediately understood Gustav’s hidden meaning in those words.

 _I want to be friends with these people. Please don’t mess this up._

Bill’s eyes rounded in understand, as he quickly stood up off the ground and dusted himself off. He then flashed a smile at his older brother before turning to leave.

“Well I have homework to do,” Bill said, “So I’ll be leaving you guys alone now.”

“Homework?” The one called Tom spoke and it startled Bill for some strange reason, “At such a young age?”

“I’m eleven!” Bill huffed, stamping his foot on the floor in a manner that only reiterated Tom’s assumption.

“Bill.” Gustav said, eyes wide, “Mom told you to have all of your homework done by the time I got home. Go. Now.”

“Fine.” Bill grumbled, sneaking one last glance at the dark haired teenage boy with the glasses before storming off to his room.

* * *

It is a quarter past six o’clock when Bill realized that neither of his parents had returned home from work yet. Bill had finished his homework hours ago and now his poor little stomach was rumbling with hunger. The sky has turned dark outside already and Bill frowned, dropping the magazine he’d been reading.

“Gustav!” Bill called, hoping off his bed and venturing towards the stairs, “Gustav!”

The house is quite and Bill bit his lip in worry. In all of the horror movies that Bill had watched, when he was supposed to be asleep in bed, the house always got quite before the murder killed someone.

“Gustav!” Bill screamed louder this time slowly walking down the stairs. Gustav and his friends were not in the living room, or the dining room, or the kitchen for that matter.

Bill’s heart began to pump in his chest and he whined quietly in fear. The Trumper household is no manner scary, but to an eleven year old wandering around in the pitch black of night with no knowledge of where anyone has gone, it was worse than being in a haunted house. At least in a haunted house Bill had Gustav’s arm to hold on to. At least in the haunted house, Bill knew that nothing was real.

“Gustav this isn’t funny!” Bill was close to tears now, “Gustav! Where are you?”

A noise creaked throughout the house just then and Bill jumped with fright, gripping onto a nearby chair. He listened for a few moments in total silence when there was another creak, the sound of pressure on wood, coming from the upstairs. Bill was not in the house alone and he paled.

“Oh.” Bill whispered to the darkness, sinking down so that he could crawl on the floor.

Then carefully and silently, Bill crawled towards the kitchen in hopes of telephoning for help. The ceiling creaked overhead again and Bill squeezed his eyes shut but forced himself to keep moving.

Then an unsettling silence fell over the house.

The silence stopped Bill in his tracks and he looked towards the back door in the kitchen. There was the silhouette of a person standing in front of the door and Bill can’t even summon up the courage to scream for help. The person jiggled the door handle repeatedly as they tried to enter the house. Fear had paralyzed Bill now, as his arms quaked and his legs felt numb. This was just like in the slasher movies! At any moment a crazy man in a hockey mask was going to bust through that door and kill Bill with a chainsaw.

The person jiggled the door handle once more before the faulty lock clicked open. The door began to open as the person moved inside of the house. Bill opened his mouth, just about to scream when…

“AHHHHH!”

A large figure jumped at Bill from the side hallway, screaming like some sort of monster, and little Bill screamed in fear at the top of his lungs.

“What are you boys doing?”

The light flickered on in the kitchen to reveal Mrs. Trumper standing in the doorway with a bag of groceries and a very confused expression. The giant monster tugged off the blanket that had been covering it to reveal Gustav, Georg, and Tom. And poor Bill, poor Bill, had wet his pants cowering on the floor.

“I swear to God,” Mrs. Trumper shook her head looking amongst the odd scene, “You boys are going to go blind walking around the house like this in the dark.”

“Mommy.” Bill whimpered close to tears as the attention of the room was shifted to him. Georg took in the sight of Bill before bursting out in laughter.

“Oh my god!” Georg tugged on Gustav’s sleeve pointing at the younger brother, “He’s wet his pants.”

Gustav and Tom then looked at Bill and the noticeable wet spot on his jeans before Gustav too was laughing. His own brother! Bill really does begin to cry now as he looked to his mother, who still has no idea what exactly just happened, to the laughing face of his brother.

“It’s not funny.” Bill said, tears streaming down his face.

The older boys continued to laugh.

“It’s not funny!” Bill repeated again only to be drowned out by the laughter.

Hurt and anger built inside of Bill as he jumped to his feet and shrieked at the top of his lungs.

“You can just die!” Bill’s shriek silenced the boys, “Die! All of you! You can all just die!”

“Bill!” Mrs. Trumper bawked in scandal but young Bill was already running up to his room sobbing.

Bill ran right up the very stairs that he’d been terrified to walk down earlier and slammed the door to his room closed. He then threw himself onto his bed and started to cry. Bill fisted the sheets, unleashing his sobs into the thick layers of blankets beneath him, so that his cries will be muffled. The last thing Bill needed right then was for Gustav to call him a crybaby.

A knock was sounded at the door as Gustav spoke through the wood.

“Bill?”

“Go away!” Bill picked up his head to scream before dropping it back down onto the bed.

“Bill come on. We weren’t trying to be mean. I mean we didn’t know you were going to cry.” Gustav sighed, tapping softly at the door, “Bill?”

“Go away! I never want to see you again! Ever!”

Gustav could be heard sighing on the other side of the door before his footsteps retreated back downstairs. Bill caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and he frowned in disgust. Bill’s eyes were red and his cheeks were splotchy. Bill rubbed at his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt, when he remembered that his pants were still soiled. He was changing out of them and putting on a new pair, when someone knocked at the door again.

“Gustav I told you to go away!” Bill barked furiously, rubbing at his eyes willing the tears to stop.

“It’s not Gustav.” A male voice said calmly and Bill froze looking to the door. He only hesitated for a moment before scrambling across the room to stand before the door. The hallway light cast the shadows of a set of feet standing directly on the opposite side and Bill stared at them in wonder.

“Bill.” The voice said still calm and composed, “Open the door.”

The last sentence has an authoritative tone that has Bill opening the door before he can even really process what he is doing. Standing in the doorway, towering over Bill, is Tom Kaulitz. He looked down at Bill, as if expectant, with eyes void of emotion.

“What do you want?” Bill sniffed, rubbing at his eyes once more when both of his wrists were grabbed. A sharp shock of electricity shot up Bill’s arms as a strange feeling overcame Bill. It is similar to that of what Bill felt around Andrej, but only ten times stronger.

“You shouldn’t rub at your eyes anymore like that.” Tom said releasing Bill’s wrists. The boy can only stare up at Tom in wonder, “You might scratch your cornea.”

“My what?” Bill said rather sassily and Tom pushed up his glasses on the bridge of his nose.

“You’ll hurt your eyes and then you’ll have to wear glasses like me.”

Bill’s hands shot to his mouth in shock as he stared at Tom in fear. Tom’s face twitched into something that resembled a smile before he ruffled Bill’s dark locks.

“Your mother sent me up here to try and convince you to come down for dinner. She says that it’s your favorite or something.” Tom looked at the ceiling as if trying to remember. Bill’s face lighted up like a Christmas tree before he grabbed onto Tom’s sleeve and tugged it viciously.

“Fish and chips?” The eleven-year-old squealed and Tom looked caught off guard at the explosive reaction.

“Yes. I think she may have said that it was fish and chips.”

“Well then let’s go! Fish and chips are the best!” Bill cheered, grabbing Tom by the hand and leading him down the stairs.

Tom’s eyes trail down his arm to where Bill’s hand grasped him. Bill has impossibly small yet slender fingers that grip Tom’s tightly, as if he were going to run away. A few stray locks from Bill’s fringe bounced as the two descend down the stairs and entered the kitchen. Then time seemed to slow down as Tom observed the Trumper household, as this moment became one of the most vivid moments of Tom’s life.

Mrs. Trumper was setting the steaming plates down on the table as Mr. Trumper finally came home from work. Gustav was teasing Bill in means of an apology and Georg was staring meticulously at a drop of malt vinegar that sat on the plate’s rim. Mr. Trumper kissed Mrs. Trumper on the cheek as he told her about that day’s work. Tom took this whole scene in with silence as Bill’s happy voice talked a million miles a minute.

Meanwhile under the table, Bill seemed to have forgotten that he was still holding Tom’s hand.


	2. Chapter 2

_Bill is twelve years old when he notices how warm Tom’s hands are_

“Hey squirt we’re home!” Gustav called, kicking open the front door to the Trumper house.

Gustav and Bill had settled the issue of _that_ night long ago, as all siblings should, and were once again on good terms. Gustav, Georg, and Tom had finished their chemistry assignment in a matter of days and gotten a good grade on it, thus completely their task. However, something key had happened during those few days the three were forced to work together as a group, finally Gustav had made friends in high school. Now the motto that Gustav had always announced on his arrival, had changed from singular to plural as the other two boys came over to hang out after school everyday.

Bill had very quickly learned the personalities of Gustav’s new friends, as Mrs. and Mr. Trumper did not seem to mind the extra guests at all. Georg was the loudest of the group and, in Bill’ opinion, was quite quirky at times. It seemed the chestnut haired teen had an affinity for cats and would constantly stop on the walk home from school to admire strays he found along the way. Georg also had a nasty habit of getting the trio in trouble with his constant pranks and his happy-go-lucky attitude. At the same time Bill could tell that Georg was a lot cleverer than he liked to lead on and could be quite manipulative when he wanted to be.

However it was not Georg that Bill was constantly watching from the corner of his eye, but the mysterious teen named Tom. Tom fascinated Bill to no end. For one thing, he did not act the way most teens acted. Tom was the one constantly trying to get the group back on task when they came over to do homework or the one advising against Georg’s outrageous pranks. Tom also did not seem to like speaking, as he often only contributed to the conversation when absolutely necessary. Overall Tom was a quite removed character to the happy Trumper household.

“Hi.” Bill called from his spot, swinging his legs back and forth. The youth was currently doing his homework at the kitchen table, as the group made their way towards the back of the house for some afternoon snacks.

“Hey.” Georg nodded, dropping his backpack to the floor and Gustav quickly followed suit.

Bill snorted into his sleeve as he tried not to roll his eyes. It was quite obvious that Georg was the leader of the group and a person that Gustav clearly admired. Tom entered the doorway as well, but took careful care to put his backpack neatly on the ground, so that it would not fall over in the manner that Gustav’s had. Bill’s back stiffened a little, as he watched Tom join the other high schoolers search for snacks. However when Tom caught Bill looking, the youth looked away embarrassed.

“Well… uh,” Gustav said, arms occupied with bags of chips, “We’re going to go do homework now.”

“Yeah.” Georg frowned, nudging Gustav hard in the ribs. He sent the older Trumper boy a look that Bill did not quite understand.

“Okay.” Bill blinked, looking to Tom’s face that wore no emotion. Bill was slightly suspicious by his brother’s behavior but Tom seemed fine so it couldn’t be anything too bad.

Then the three boys were flying up the stairs, leaving Bill all alone once more. Bill huffed and kicked at one of the legs of the table in anger. He really needed to start bringing friends of his own over sometimes.

* * *

“Ah shit!”

“Dude shut up!”

There is the sound of movement behind the door followed by a few more forced whispers. Bill frowned and pressed his ear closer, not sure of exactly what he was hearing. The hum of the television could be heard but other than that, Gustav’s room was entirely silent. What could they possibly be watching that didn’t require an audio?

“What are they doing in there?” Bill whispered to himself, trying to peek under the door although it solved nothing.

An almost pained whine was heard that Bill instantly recognized as Gustav’s. Now Bill was thoroughly disturbed and confused as to what exactly the three of them could be doing in Gustav’s room. Then there is a sharp intake of breath along with the sounds of rustling clothing.

“Shit!” Gustav’s voice cried louder than ever this time and Bill’ eyes widened. Heavy panting came from behind the door when Georg asked quietly, “Do you think anyone heard?”

“Gustav?” Bill called out; worried that Gustav’s new friends may be hurting his older brother in some way. Bill doesn’t think that Georg or Tom were bad people, but the noises that Gustav was making concerned Bill.

“Oh shit it’s Bill.” Gustav said sounding as if he was having trouble breathing.

“Gustav what’s going on in there?” Bill said louder this time, even having enough courage to knock lightly on the door.

The door swung open to reveal a fully clothed and somewhat flushed Tom. Bill looked beyond Tom’s legs in that brief moment, to see that Gustav and Georg were both fully dressed but on other sides of the room. The television was playing a movie of a naked woman and man but the sound had been shut off. Bill leaned forward, trying to get a better look when Tom closed the door.

“Bill.” Tom frowned down at the boy, “You shouldn’t be eavesdropping on others. It’s considered very rude and a sign of being low class.”

“I was not!” Bill scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Then what were you doing on the floor?” Tom challenged and Bill looked away, face red.

“It’s my house.” Bill muttered, thoroughly embarrassed that he’d been caught in a lie.

Then Tom’s hand was encasing Bill’s in the most pleasant warmth imaginable. Despite Tom’s cold exterior, his body seemed to be burning up like an inferno, it sent tingling sensations down to Bill’ toes. The boy could not help but marvel at how Tom’s hand seemed to engulf Bill’s small one or how firm Tom’s grip was on him. Young Bill was floating on cloud nine, when he was finally pulled to his feet as the fluttering sensation started up again in his stomach. It felt as if the world had dropped out from beneath him and Bill feared any moment that he’d vomit up the butterflies that were flying around franticly in his gut.

“Don’t tell your parents about this.” Tom’s voice, still as serious as ever, broke Bill of his daydream. The young boy was met with the reality of cold calculating eyes once more and Bill secretly hoped inside, the day would come when those eyes would be filled with delight at the sight of him.

“What were you guys doing in there?” Bill frowned when Tom released his hand. Suddenly Bill’s feet were back on the ground and his skin felt cold, “I saw naughty stuff on the television.”

“You’re what now?” Tom pushed his glasses up, “Eleven?”

“I’m twelve!” Bill nearly shrieked; upset that Tom always seemed to deem Bill younger than he really was.

“Twelve. Twelve is old enough to keep a secret. Will you keep this a secret Bill?”

“Why should I?” Bill flicked his tongue out mischievously. Tom’s eyes seemed drawn to the motion.

“Because then your parents will think Georg and I are a bad influence on Gustav.” Tom Kaulitz’s face turned into a somewhat sinister grin as he leaned down to Bill’s ear. Bill’s entire back stiffened as he in took a sharp breath, all too aware of how close Tom was. Bill could feel Tom’s nose nuzzling against his hair and he nearly fainted he was so overwhelmed.

“Because then I won’t be able to see you everyday anymore.” Tom smirked, giving Bill’s shoulder a small squeeze, before he’s retreating from the intimate proximity all too soon.

“Oh.” Bill blushed, cheeks flaming with heat. It’s almost as if Tom’s own internal inferno had been passed onto Bill’s skin and the boy looked down at his feet feeling like he was about to burst.

“Can I trust you Bill?” Tom said, all business once more.

“Yes.” Bill looked up at Tom through his bangs and the older boy seemed pleased at this reaction.

It was then that all thoughts of Andrej Pejic flew out the window. I mean after all, how could a childish crush on a twelve year old compare to the attentions of a fifteen year old high schooler? That is why when Mrs. and Mr. Trumper come home from work that night, Bill does not speak of word of what he saw earlier. And as Tom pointed out so wittily, Georg and him continue to come over to the Trumper household everyday for the rest of the school year. Bill delighted in the small conversations he was able to have with Tom when the older boys would break from homework. While meaningless in content, they helped to fuel Bill’s growing feelings for the dark haired boy with glasses. However it was during the summer that things really started to pick up.

* * *

_Bill is fourteen years old when he kisses Tom_

“Boys!” Mrs. Trumper screamed in frustration, “The firecrackers are for later tonight! Put them back immediately! Gustav! Gustav, so help me if even one of those things goes off near my cake!”

It was July Fourth as summer had finally released the Trumper boys from school and the boys had more than enough time on their hands. The Trumper’s lawn was filled with neighbors from the entire block, as plates of cookies and watermelon were piled onto picnic tables in the backyard. The adults mingled by the food, while taking shade from the sun, as the children ran wild around the yard. A few sprinklers had been set up, resulting in the grass becoming slightly muddy as happy tunes from the radio spilled out into the yard.

Another year had passed for Bill, marking the final year of middle school before Bill would finally be able attend high school with Gustav. Gustav and his friends now arrived home even earlier from school as the long walk had been replaced by a short car ride. For now Gustav, Georg, and Tom were sixteen, and while the age gap had not numerically changed, Bill felt even more left behind than ever. Gustav was in his junior year of high school now and no longer seemed to have time for his little brother.

The privilege of the car allowed Gustav to spend most of his weekends out of the house at parties or hanging out at the mall. The only times Bill was actually able to speak Tom was limited to the afternoon homework sessions, but even those seemed to becoming more rare. High school had saddled the boys with more homework as Tom had become even more focused on his work. Bill’s crush seemed to be hopeless.

On the patio of the Trumper house, hidden in the shade along with the adults, Bill sat idly in a chair. The boy sat perched with his feet pulled up onto the seat and his knees tucked under his chin. Bill had grown another few inches with the added age, although, he had also entered what many described as an awkward stage.

“Bill?” The boy picked up his head only to be greeted with the sight of a teenage girl.

“Oh. Hi Ria.” Ria is a cocoa complexioned girl who had dyed her hair white in a fashion she thought looked cool. Bill thought it looked ridiculous. Ria smiled kindly as Bill stared back blankly, labeling her a whore in his mind. Ria also happened to be Gustav’s girlfriend and only added to the list of why Gustav no longer hung out with him.

“Do you know where your brother is?” Ria tossed her hair over her shoulder and looked out to the chaos that was the Trumper’s backyard.

“Yup.” Bill grabbed a fruity looking drink off the nearby table and took a sip. He watched Ria’s look of annoyance over the rim of the glass, before setting it back down.

“Well,” Ria placed her hands on her hips, cocking her head to one side, “Would you mind telling me where that would be?”

“Nope.” Bill smiled devilishly before getting comfortable. Ria’s eyebrow twitched before she leaned down to hiss in Bill’s face, smiling sweetly the entire time.

“Listen brat, I don’t like you and I know sure as hell that you don’t like me. So why don’t we both make this easy? You tell me where Gustav is and then I’ll be out of your hair.” Bill’s eyes narrowed at the insult but he saw Ria’s point.

“Fine.” The boy muttered, jumping from his seat to lead the way, “Gustav and the others are out by the shed trying to set off some fireworks.”

“God will he and Georg ever grow up?” Ria said, following little Bill all the way out to the Trumper’s shed in the woods. The three high school boys seemed to be arguing over the boxes of fireworks at their feet when Bill cleared his throat.

“Ria!” Gustav’s face lighted up, as he rushed over to peck his girlfriend on the lips. Bill rolled his eyes and made gagging noises.

“You’re just in time!” Gustav grinned ear-to-ear, “We were just about to do a practice launch.”

“Sounds fun.” Ria’s tone was sarcastic and either Gustav did not pick up on it or he chose not to hear it.

“I know right?”

“Gustav,” Ria pouted, tugging on Gustav’s arm playfully, “I had something really important that I needed to talk to you about.”

“Oh god.” Georg groaned, bending down to snatch up the firework box, “I know where this is going! Fine you go have fun Gustav, if you need us we’ll be in the front figuring out how to launch these things.”

“I’m going to go get something for lunch.” Tom turned to head back towards the house.

“What?” Georg whined, sagging under the weight of the box as Gustav and Ria had managed to disappear, “You’re leaving too?” Georg then released a tired sigh before turning to Bill expectantly.

“Don’t look at me. I’m going back to the house.” Bill glared before scurrying off in the direction Tom had gone.

Georg hoisted the bock higher in his arms, before setting off and muttering things about lousy friends.

* * *

“Tom!” Bill called after the teen, giddy with joy at the prospect of having Tom all to himself, “Wait up!”

Tom didn’t seem to hear Bill, although at this range he logically should have, so Bill picked up his pace until he fell instep beside the older boy. Tom’s hair was wavy in the humidity and he’d opted for a tighter fitting t-shirt with some dark wash jeans for the summer weather. His cheeks were slightly pink from the heat but to Bill he looked like a wet dream.

Tom looked down to Bill, however it’s a shorter distance now that Bill is taller, and quirked an eyebrow in greeting. The sunlight caught off of Tom’s glasses as his expression remained unreadable and Bill swallowed, unsure of exactly what to say.

“Are you hungry?” Bill blurted out the first thing that came to mind, “Because my mom made this really awesome cake that looks like a flag and it has this chocolate frosting thing and it’s really good. You should try it.”

Tom’s pace did not slow and Bill cursed under his breath. The steady silence that was already there at the beginning of their relationship had only grown wider over the years and Bill can’t even get Tom to react to small talk any longer.

“Or you could try Mrs. Sutcliffe’s fruit salad.” Bill continued to blather, desperate to try and get some sort of reaction out of Tom, “I heard those were very good as well.”

The pair finally reached the tables of food on the patio and Bill felt crushed. Surely Tom after getting his lunch would go to the front yard to join Georg. Bill watched in disappointed silence as Tom carefully selected a very limited range of foods for his plate. He also made sure to grab a napkin, fork, spoon, and knife although not all of the foods required such plastic silverware.

Bill sighed a little, expecting Tom to turn and leave when he spoke, startling Bill.

“Is there somewhere more quite where I can eat?” Tom’s voice had a new lower timbre to it now that he’d gone through puberty. The changes from a boy to a man were already apparent, as Tom’s face had become more squared and harsh. Still Bill adored every angle of Tom’s now more adult face.

“We could eat in the house.” Bill was all too eager to please. He used this as an excuse to grab Tom’s arm as he tugged Tom towards the back entrance, “Come on!”

Tom followed without complaint while meanwhile Bill’s heart was thumping in his chest. Bill was finally going to be able to hang out with Tom alone without the added presence of grownups or friends. Bill was going to be able to sit, and possibly even talk, with Tom uninterrupted for at least fifteen minutes. The thought made Bill’s knees weak.

Bill led Tom inside before shutting the door behind them and thus sealing off the chatter of the outside world. Tom sat himself at the table and wordlessly began to dine.

“So,” Bill started, sitting directly across from the other, “Are you coming with us to Six Flags next week?”

“Your parents did invite me.” Tom briefly glanced up at Bill as if it were obvious. The heat in Bill’s face began to rise again and he swung his feet restless under the table.

“My mom said that I can go on the big rollercoasters this year. I’m really excited about it too! Gustav said that I’ll probably end up crying but I know I won’t. See, I’ve been practicing by jumping off from really high places to get ready for the drops, so I know that I won’t cry.”

“You shouldn’t jump from high places.” Tom said monotonously, “You might injure yourself.”

“I’m always careful when I do.” Bill whispered, biting at his lip.

The table fell into silence again as the only noises was the muffled racket from the outside. Tom was just about finish with his fruit salad and Bill’s feelings were crushed again as he knew that the time drew nearer for Tom to leave. Bill felt starved for Tom’s attention and was slightly angry at how limited their time had been that day. Tom then rose up out of his chair to dispose of his plate when Bill spoke again.

“Although I’m pretty sure that I’ll end up crying when I do go on the rollercoaster anyways.” Bill smiled bitterly when Tom turned the door handle about to leave.

“But I was hoping,” Bill swallowed thickly as he felt as if his heart were about to burst from his chest, “I was hoping that you could ride with me.”

Tom’s hand released the door handle at those words as he stood with his back to Bill facing the wooden barrier. Bill thought that he could hear the slightest noise of amusement from Tom but it was so soft that Bill was unsure.

“Tom.” Bill whispered, squinting his eyes as tears began to well up, threatening to spill over, “I…”

“I…” Bill trailed off again. When Bill had first led Tom into the house, it had not his original intent to reveal the extent of his feelings for the older boy. However Bill feels that if he does not say something now, the gap between them will grow too large to overcome.

“Tom,” Bill’s voice came out like a whimper now, as tears streamed down the boy’s face, “I really like you.”

Bill’s face was turned towards his lap and he watched as his tears fell onto his summer shorts in fat droplets. Bill felt cold despite the hot summer air and he shivered slightly until two steady warm hands landed on both of Bill’s shoulders.

“Why are you crying?” Tom’s voice seemed to wrap around Bill as the young boy trembled beneath the attention.

“B-because I don’t want you to leave me.” Bill sobbed, staring straight ahead at the back door. Tom was standing directly behind Bill so the boy was unable to see what kind of expression Tom was wearing, or if he was even wearing one at all.

“I’m leaving.”

“No!” Bill cried, whirling around in his chair to look at Tom. Their eyes connected, pleading brown ones to distant hazel ones, and Bill grasped the front of Tom’s shirt.

“I feel like you don’t like me anymore. You won’t even talk to me when you come over and it hurts.” Bill whimpered, gripping the material tightly with his fingers fearing that Tom would try to run.

“I like you.” Bill choked out, smiling through his tears up at Tom, “I like you a lot and I know you think that I’m just a kid or that I’m annoying or that I’m immature. But if you could just at least acknowledge me Tom, I would be fine with that.”

“After that,” Bill sniffed, reluctantly releasing Tom’s shirt, “I would leave you alone.”

Tom continued to stand there in complete silence and it stabbed Bill Trumper straight through the heart. Here he had poured out his most private feelings for the older boy and Tom was not even fazed by it. A small cry bubbled out from Bill’s chest and while he wiped at his eyes, the tears would not stop.

“Do you hate me?” Bill looked to Tom’s stoic face, “I understand if you do. If I were you, I’d hate me too.”

But as soon as the words had left Bill’s mouth, Tom’s lips were suddenly covering them. Bill released a short cry of panic as Tom descended down upon him, wrapping Bill’s skinny body in his arms and gripping Bill’s sides roughly. Tom’s form was big and firm against Bill’s body that seemed to bend malleably to Tom’s needs. Bill could feel the entire heat of Tom’s body against his own and he gasped beginning to relax into the kiss.

Tom’s mouth was like fire against Bill’s, undoubtedly hurting the poor boy as he bit at Bill’s lips. Tom pressed his mouth against Bill’s again and again until finally Bill opened his mouth to finally become one with Tom. Tom thrusted his tongue into the younger boy’s mouth, while holding Bill tightly against him in a manner so possessive, that Bill’s knees gave out. However even then Tom’s actions did not stop as he simply supported the additional weight while ravaging Bill’s mouth.

Then when the young boy’s lungs were bursting for air and Bill was more so panting against Tom’s mouth than kissing back, Tom finally pulled away. Bill’s first few breaths were heaving gasps for air between his red swollen lips and Tom pressed his forehead to the boy’s. He seemed to be staring directly into Bill’s soul, when suddenly a phone vibrated between them.

Tom immediately released Bill and checked the device, frowning as he read over a text message. Bill barely had time to recover when Tom was then scooping him up and pressing a hard quick kiss to his mouth once more.

“I have to go.” Tom said, pulling back from their kiss and Bill blinked in an overwhelmed daze.

“What?”

“I’ll see you next week for Six Flags. Tell your mother that the cake was fantastic and thank your father for inviting me over.” Tom instructed, straightening himself out as he pocketed his phone.

“Okay.” Bill said meekly when Tom turned back to look at Bill.

“I don’t hate you by the way.” He smiled, actually smiled at Bill, and the boy wondered if this time this all wasn’t a dream like it always turned out to be.

“Oh.” Bill blinked. Tom turned to leave without a word of goodbye so Bill says it for him.

“Bye.”


	3. Chapter 3

_Bill is thirteen years old when he finds out the truth_

“Come on Gustav!” Bill cheered, running ahead on the wide paved path.

Swarms of people had gathered at Six Flags on that hot summer day as the loud screams of children filled the air. The Trumper family plus Georg and Tom had packed up the car and set off for Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey. The park was filled with a wide variety of people ranging from guidos on the shore to yuppies from the suburbs. The entire car ride up Gustav and Georg had boxed Bill out of the conversations by talking about things going on in high school while Tom didn’t even speak at all. Poor Bill had to endure almost hour of who broke up with whom or who hooked up with whom behind so-and-so’s back.

But now Bill was finally free of the confined car. He was free to run around all day as he pleased and free to finally ride on the rollercoaster with Tom. The very thought of Tom having to sit so close to him on the ride made Bill’s palms sweat. Bill had even taken special care to wear his sky blue soccer jersey to contrast with his eyes. Bill wanted everything that day to run smoothly.

Bill hadn’t seen Tom since he left the Trumper’s Fourth of July picnic last week and the boy had been a little nervous about seeing the teen again. Bill feared that Tom would apologize or something, saying that their kiss was a mistake. Or that he would tell Gustav and Georg so that all three of them could laugh about it. But so far Tom wasn’t acting any more different than he usually did and it eased Bill’s anxiety. As long as Tom said that it wasn’t a mistake or a joke, Bill would take what he could get.

“Bill slow down.” Mrs. Trumper sighed, fanning herself with one a park map, “I’m dying in this heat! Why didn’t we go to the beach?”

“It would have been ever more packed there.” Mr. Trumper shrugged, watching as his youngest son raced through the crowds of people.

“I want to go on El Toro!” Bill did a little dance of excitement as he pointed at the massive rollercoaster looming overhead. Mrs. Trumper’s eyes followed the steel structure up to the very top just in time to watch as a string of cars raced by, filled with screaming teens.

“Well that answers that question.” Mrs. Trumper shook her head, “Bill absolutely not. You’re still too young.”

“Yeah maybe next year squirt.” Gustav’s whisper went unheard by Mrs. Trumper and Georg snickered.

“But you said that I could go on the big rollercoasters this year!” Bill frowned, prepared to throw a tantrum if he had to, “Gustav got to go on El Toro when he was younger!”

“Yes but Gustav was thirteen when we let him.” Mrs. Trumper sighed, looking to her husband for support. Mr. Trumper seemed preoccupied with the park map suddenly as he made it clear he would have no part in this argument if Bill was going to throw a tantrum.

“But I’m thirteen too! Mom! That’s not fair! I’m thirteen why can’t I go?” Bill whined and a few people walking around then glanced at Bill. Mrs. Trumper’s face heated in embarrassment at her ill-behaved child and she hissed for Bill to lower his voice.

“Bill nonsense, you’re eleven. When you turn thirteen you can go on El Toro.”

“But Mom!” Bill whined as Georg and Gustav were trying their hardest not to laugh, “Dad! Dad? Tell Mom that I’m thirteen! I’m thirteen!”

“He turned thirteen in September darling.” Mr. Trumper said glancing at Gustav and motioning towards the rollercoaster. Gustav gave his father the thumbs up before whispering to Georg about something.

“Oh right! Sorry dear, I keep forgetting that you’re thirteen now. I still don’t know though. Gustav was a lot taller than you at this age.” Mrs. Trumper sighed, not even noticing when Mr. Trumper, Gustav, and Georg began to inch away. The three turned and made a run for the El Toro line and Bill cried out in panic.

“Hey no fair! Why do they get to go?” Bill shrieked, pointing after the three men that quickly disappeared into the line. Mrs. Trumper turned to see that her husband was gone and released a long tired sigh. Her eyes then landed on the remaining teen when she got an idea.

“Well I’m going to get out of this heat.” Mrs. Trumper sniffed, fanning herself once more with the park map, “Tom? Would you be a dear and take Bill on the kiddie rides? Just to calm him down some and then you can go join Gustav and Georg for the rest of the day.”

“Mom!” Bill’s face heated up in embarrassment. She couldn’t just tell Tom what to do! Especially to take Bill on the ‘kiddie rides’. Bill wrinkled his nose at the thought, lamenting over how utterly childish he must’ve seemed to Tom.

“It’s fine.” Tom glanced at Bill briefly and Bill shut up.

“Perfect!” Mrs. Trumper waved as she began to stroll off, “See you boys at around lunch time.”

Bill watched the retreating form of his mother before turning to Tom with a look of bewilderment. This was better than anything Bill could have ever hoped for and he bit his lip, still not quite believing how great this whole situation turned out.

“Tom,” Bill asked softly, looking to Tom to see if he has any expression at all. As usual Tom’s face was blank, “Are you sure?”

“I’ve already been on El Toro a few times before.” Tom pushed up his glasses and started off in the direction of the special designated area for smaller children. Bill frowned and scurried after the older boy, trying to stop him by tugging on his sleeve.

“I’m too old to go on those rides.” Bill pouted, he was speaking the truth, “Can’t we go on something else?”

“Well then what do you propose we go on then?” Tom was now letting Bill guide him around by the boy’s grip on his sleeve, which delighted Bill to no end.

The boy continued to walk, looking for another suitable ride, while secretly watching Tom from his peripheral vision. Masses of people were walking around side and along them when a thought popped into Bill’s mind. Bill wondered if people thought Bill and him were together, given how possessively Bill was holding onto Tom. Bill wondered if Tom questioned how they must have appeared, walking so closely together by themselves without parental supervision. Bill wondered if in the future he’d ever get a chance to walk beside Tom and not have to question what he meant to Tom.

“Bill,” Tom said, breaking the boy of his thoughts, “You’re crowding me.”

“Sorry.” Bill muttered sheepishly. He let go of Tom’s sleeve and the older boy smoothed out the wrinkles that had resulted from Bill’s hand. A few girls around Bill’s age eyed the pair as they walked by, however Tom seemed to pay them no mind.

“You haven’t told anyone about what happened at the picnic have you?” Tom asked suddenly.

“No of course not!” Bill said quickly. Tom quirked an eyebrow in question.

“I mean of course I wouldn’t tell anyone. I’m not some dumb kid, Tom. If told my parents what happened, they might think that you’re a bad influence and,” Bill picked up his head to meet Tom’s eyes, “Then I wouldn’t be able to see you anymore.”

Tom made a sound of amusement before wrapping his arm around young Bill’s shoulders. The youth was mentally squealing inside. Tom had his arm around Bill’s shoulders. Tom Kaulitz had his arm around Bill’s shoulder. Tom had his arm around Bill’s shoulder in public and did not seem to mind. Bill was once again floating on Cloud Nine as Tom began to steer them in the direction of Bizzaro, another larger rollercoaster in the park.

Bill’s entire face lighted up as he looked to Tom as if asking if it were true. The soft shove to Bill’s lower back confirmed Bill’s suspicions. The boy could help but cry out with joy. As nice as it was walking with Tom’s arm around his shoulder, Bill wanted to go on a rollercoaster _with_ Tom even more. He set off ahead, calling for Tom to chase after him, although the older boy’s leisurely pace did not pick up.

“Tom, come on!” Bill was all smiles as he ran through the various roped off lanes towards the ride’s main entrance. The line was practically nonexistent for this particular ride and Bill giggled as he slipped beneath the ropes to get to the front faster.

Finally Bill reached the front and turned around to see that Tom was still making his way towards the front. Bill tapped his foot, trying to look impatient for show, but secretly inside taking the time to admire Tom. The hot weather was not favorable to Tom’s hair it seemed as various curls popped out at odd angles. Bill found them adorable and had the urge to flick one with his thumb and index finger.

“Tom!” Bill whined, dragging out the syllables. Tom finally joined Bill at the front of the line.

The pair was next to go when the string of cars pulled up and Bill tugged Tom towards the front car. The man operating the ride gave Bill a funny look so the boy stuck his tongue out at him before hoping into the compartment. Tom sat down next to Bill, grunting softly when he discovered that he’s being crammed right up against Bill’s side.

Bill on the other hand can’t seem to get close enough. He took the opportunity to snuggle closer to Tom until their sides were pressed together. Tom was so much taller and stronger than the youth and it drove Bill wild. He could feel Tom’s body heat transferring to him as Bill deemed this the best moment of his life so far.

“Seatbelts?” The man operating the ride asked the two and Tom carefully pulled the safety bar down across their laps. Everything was all set and Bill was practically jumping in his seat with excitement.

“I’m not going to cry.” Bill announced, looking to Tom to make sure he’s paying attention and the dark haired teen was.

“Good.” Tom got comfortable wrapping his arm around Bill’s shoulders once more. Bill’s entire body shivered with excitement and anticipation.

“Ready?” The voice on the intercom asked as the passengers of the rollercoaster screamed in approval. The sound of gears releasing was heard as the cars started off and the intercom voice bid them farewell.

The string made a steady climb towards the first drop and Bill clung to Tom’s side, smiling the whole time. This was by far the most romantic moment that Bill had ever experienced, even if Tom was as stiff as a board and he was gripping Bill a little too tight. Bill didn’t mind if Tom bruised him or not.

“You going to cry, little prince?” Tom asked, eyes for once showing some emotion as they flickered mischievously. The cars jerked as the suspension cords clicked into place when the cars finally reached the summit.

“W-what?” Bill asked, wide-eyed when suddenly the locks gave and the string of cars was sent hurdling towards the ground.

Bill’s stomach dropped out from beneath him as he shrieked at the top of his lungs. The passengers behind them were shrieking as well but Bill was by far the loudest. The cars took a sharp turn and Bill was thrown into Tom’s side before the string set off for another drop again. The sensations of being on a big rollercoaster were far greater than that of the little ones Bill had been on before and Bill was absolutely terrified. He turned towards Tom and clung to the older boy for dear life as the cars were dropped once again.

Bill wasn’t able to see Tom’s expression, as he’d closed his eyes in fear, but Tom actually wrapped his arm around Bill during the next drop. The torture seemed to go on forever until the cars were finally pulling back into ride’s terminal. Tom released Bill, nearly having to pry the boy off of him.

“Bill?” Tom asked, shaking the boy’s shoulder whose eyes were still closed shut, “Bill the ride is over.”

“I-I know.” Bill replied shakily as he slowly stood up in the car.

Tom was already standing on the platform as he extended his hand out to help the shaking boy from the car. Bill took Tom’s hand and fell into the other, sighing with relief when his feet were finally on solid ground again. Bill’s blood was still pumping through his body but he’d slowly started to calm down again.

“Hey!” Bill laughed weakly, looking up to Tom, “I didn’t cry!”

Tom simply hummed and flipped out his phone before walking off towards the ride’s exit. Bill was trailing behind him like a faithful puppy, watching as Tom’s fingers flew over the phone’s keys. After a few short moments the phone was snapped shut before Bill even had a chance to read the message and he pouted.

“Who were you texting?” Bill poked Tom on the arm.

Now Tom’s face seemed to take on a rather sinister look. The teen pushed up his glasses while staring straight-ahead, refusing to acknowledge the eager pathetic boy beside him.

“My girlfriend.”

The words hit Bill harder than a ton of bricks.


	4. Chapter 4

_Bill is fourteen years old when he cries himself to sleep_

The days following the Trumper family’s trip to Six Flags were some of the most painful possible for Bill. The boy had been unsure on how to respond to Tom’s news so he kept quiet, following around Tom until it was time for the older boy to join Gustav and Georg once more. The car ride home was filled with the happy chatter of every occupant expect Bill who had muttered something about a stomachache when his mother asked what was wrong. Then the Kaulitz’s had come to pick their son up from the Trumper’s residence, brought Tom home, and Bill hadn’t seen the teen since.

Bill groaned softly as he nuzzled his face further into the sheets of his bed. His entire body ached as if he’d run a marathon but the stabbing pain that weighed his chest was far worse. Bill’s class was studying common diseases and disorders in the human body at the moment; the teacher’s description of what a heart attack feels like came to mind. A throbbing pain that struck one in the chest as the muscles seemed to seize up, thus blocking off oxygen from getting to the heart. The overall experience was characterized with an intense feeling as if one’s heart were backed up and about to explode.

Bill felt that way as he rolled around in his bed once more. The boy had kicked all of the stuffed animals off of his bed, as they now lay scattered on the floor. A particularly brightly colored rabbit stuffed animal caught Bill’s eye and he scowled at it.

“What are you so happy about?” Bill hissed, slowly pushing himself onto his elbows so that he could stare down the inanimate object that dare mock him.

“You’re a fucking piece of stuffed cloth,” Bill’s eyes narrowed as anger only built within him, “Why should you get to smile?”

Bill finally rose from the bed and snatched the letter opener that his father had given him as a gift form his desk. The object had an ivory handle with a large dagger-like blade on the other end of it. Mr. Trumper had warned Bill many times to be mindful when carrying it, as the silver edge was enough to slice Bill’s hand open. Bill’s fingers tightened around the handle as he advanced on the smiling rabbit.

“Why should you get to be happy when my life is miserable?” Bill hissed, kicking the rabbit clear across the room, “Why should you get to smile when it feels like my heart has been fucking ripped out?”

“Why?” Bill demanded, kneeling down to stare at the sorry thing. Bill aimed the letter opener over where the rabbit’s heart should have been, had it been a real rabbit. The boy then plunged the weapon deep into the soft body of the stuffed animal and smiled.

“Why Tom?” Bill asked the rabbit whose whole frame was bent around where the opener had pierced it, “Why don’t you like me? Is it because I’m a kid?”

Bill’s grip tightened around the dagger with each of these painful words. Then he slowly began to drag the dagger down, ripping open one seam at a time. The stitches snapped as the blade sliced through them and Bill stabbed the dagger even deeper into the rabbit.

“Is that why you’ll never talk to me?” Bill’s voice trembled and he gasped when he realized that he’d begun to cry.

“To hell with it!” Bill screamed, pulling the letter opener from the stuffed animal, tossing it across the room. The once happy smiling rabbit now was a mess of white stuffing on Bill’s bedroom floor and this only upset the boy even more. Bill had genuinely liked that stuffed rabbit and now it’d been ruined.

Bill threw himself on his bed once more and cried himself to sleep for the second night in a row.

* * *

_Bill is fourteen when the Trumper’s take him to a psychologist_

“So Bill,” The lady sitting on the couch adjusted herself, accidentally revealing a little too much leg, but Bill’s eyes were trained on the floor, “How are you doing?”

“Fine.” Bill muttered, kicking his feet against the small magazine table in front of him. He kicked a little too hard and the woman’s glass of water trembled violently. Bill decided to kick it again.

“Bill?” The woman’s hand shot out to press down on Bill’s knee, when finally the boy looked up at her.

Bill had not grown much in last year, the transition from thirteen to fourteen barely noticeable. The only thing that had seemed to change about Bill was his new rotten attitude. High school was just around the corner. Bill had started to let his grades in middle school slide, he hardly had any friends come over, and Bill’s wardrobe had started to shift from light pastels to darker colors.

The Trumper’s had noticed this dramatic change in Bill as well as the one in Gustav. Gustav had suddenly become Mr. Popular in high school and was almost never at home any more. His weeks were filled with foolish things such as football games and parties on weekends where the alcohol flowed freely. Mr. Trumper did not have the heart to warn his oldest boy against underage drinking as he himself had done so as a teen. What really was the point of changing the drinking age from eighteen to twenty-one if students would still be able to access alcohol so easily anyways?

Georg and Tom no longer came over the Trumper’s house everyday as the Listing’s had offered so kindly for the boys to use their house. Not like Bill wanted to see Tom anyway, the brief encounters they had at family dinners or neighborhood parties were awkward enough.

“Your mother and father told me that you had a little misunderstanding at school the other day.” Dr. Franz adjusted her legs once more as some more skin was flashed and Bill frowned.

“I punched a boy in my class.”

“And was there a specific reason you punched this boy?” Dr. Franz tilted her head to the side, “Does this boy have a name?”

“Andrej Pejic.” Bill muttered, looking at the magazines on the table.

“And why did you punch Andrej?”

“Because he told me that I was low class.”

“And why do you think Andrej said that?”

“I don’t fucking know!” Bill shouted as Dr. Franz raised an eyebrow at the foul language, “I’m not in Andrej’s mind or something like that! How am I supposed to know why he fucking called me that?”

“I never expected you to know exactly what Andrej was thinking, I simply asked you why you thought Andrej said that. Calm down Bill. There’s no need for such language.” The woman shook her head. She’d been a makeup artist before this and it was difficult clients like Bill Trumper that made her wonder why she ever gave up the profession.

“Whatever.” Bill grumbled, sinking lower on the couch in which he was situated. Bill’s foot shot out to kick the table once more and Dr. Franz sighed.

“Bill you’ve been keeping on schedule with your special pills haven’t you? Your parents have been making sure that you take them everyday?”

“You mean my meds.” Bill spit out the last word with venom, “Yeah I’ve been taking my _special medication_ if that’s what you mean.”

“Simply making sure. It’s very important that you keep on schedule with those Bill. Any variance could mess your system up and cause you to have mood swings.” Dr. Franz wrote something down on the notepad in her lap, “So tell me about this Andrej Pejic. Do you two normally fight?”

“Yeah.”

“Bill I need you to work with me on these things. Remember in our last session how you told me how hurt you are inside. You don’t have to tell everything today but one small step at a time is a good start.” Bill flinched as he recalled their last session. Bill had a moment of weakness when Dr. Franz had asked Bill if someone had ever betrayed him. The poor boy had broken down in tears and sobbed out incohesive things. But Dr. Franz had decided not to push the matter. After all Bill was only fourteen, what kind of skeletons in the closet could a fourteen year old possibly have?

“Alright.” Bill snapped, crossing his arms definitely over his chest, “Andrej and I are always fighting over who’s better.”

“Better at what?”

“Everything! Andrej thinks he’s the best in the art class when quite clearly the teacher said that he loved my painting. Then Andrej’s always trying to be a know-it-all in class when the answer is so obvious that even a first grader would the answer!” Bill’s voice was raised a little too loud and when he finally finished speaking, he flushed with embarrassment.

“Ah so you two are competitive with each other.” Dr. Franz nodded like she understood and Bill scoffed, “You mentioned something about knowing the answers in class. Bill if you know the correct answer why don’t you raise your hand and say it?”

“Because that would be stupid.” Bill said simply, “It’s so stupid of a question that I don’t even bother answering.”

“That’s not a very good attitude to have.”

“Eh,” Bill shrugged, tucking his arms behind his head, “I’m through with middle school. I just want to go to high school already.”

“High school?” Dr. Franz said slowly and Bill took the bait.

“Yeah high school is great.” The boy seemed oblivious to how much he was revealing, “When I’m in high school, I’ll finally be grown up! And when I’m finally grown up, I won’t be some dumb kid anymore.”

“You said ‘some dumb kid’ it sounds like someone has used the phrase before. Is there a specific reason as to why you dislike being fourteen? Being fourteen can be fun. I know that when you get to my age, all you wish for is to be fourteen again.”

Bill tugged the hood of his sweatshirt over his head and muttered something. Dr. Franz tried in vain for the next few minutes to try and get Bill to speak so more before finally giving up. Bill had retreated into his shell and Dr. Franz knew well that once Bill had shut off the outside world, it remained shut off until Bill decided to join them all once again.

Dr. Franz sighed and set her notepad on the table.

“I think that’s enough for today.”

* * *

_Bill is fourteen when he first touches himself thinking of Tom_

Bill was lying awake in bed once again. The soothing tea that Mrs. Trumper made did not help nor does the classical music that Mr. Trumper had put on throughout the house. Gustav was off sleeping over at Georg’s house, leaving Bill all alone. But what else seemed to be new?

The clock on Bill’s bedside table read 4 A.M. in blinking red numbers. The air was hot and stale as Bill tossed once more. He absolutely hated the dark but tonight everything in his room seemed too bright. The streetlamp’s light coming in through the window, the blinking digital clock, even the glow from the full moon overhead. Everything seemed too bright and Bill huffed, kicking off his sheets in frustration.

Bill was bored of waiting for sleep to come when he remembered something he’d heard at school. One of the boys in Bill’s class had told the others how quickly he’d fallen asleep after having a good wank one night. Bill was not clueless when it came to these things; after all he’d touched himself out of curiosity in the shower a few times. But Bill had never simply touched himself for the sake of touching himself. The tale of Bill’s classmate intrigued him and Bill fussed in the sheets once more.

He managed to tug down the front of his sleeping pants before staring at the sight that greeted him for a few moments. Bill’s member was still small, no longer the size of a child’s but not nearly the length or width of an adult’s. Bill was somewhere in between with the lightest bit of peach fuzz that’s so light, it’s barely even noticeable. Bill’s member had already begun to stiffen as the hot air of the room surrounded it.

Still Bill was not impressed and he tried to remember what else his classmate had said. While Bill thought, he lazily dragged his hand down his front as he fondled himself. It felt sort of relaxing given how lightly Bill griped himself in the softness of his palm. He ran his hand absentmindedly up and down the expanse of his shaft and shuddered a little bit. He was hardening by the second but only due to the sensations of it all.

Bill remembered that his classmate mentioned how intense it felt if you thought about a girl and did it at the same time. However Bill could not think of any girls in his class that he found attractive, certainly not that annoying Lizzie Middleford. Bill thinks of Andrej and his blue eyes but the moment was quickly tainted by the memory of their fight earlier that week. In all honesty, Bill had begun to lose all interest in Andrej, the only time Andrej proved to be exciting was when Bill made Andrej uncomfortable. How could Bill possibly have feelings for someone so weak? Bill wanted someone who was strong willed and knew how to command him or herself. Tom’s flashing hazel eyes came to mind and Bill gasped.

No, Bill thought, pressing his face into his pillow. Bill would not permit himself to think about Tom while he’s doing _that_. Bill’s nether regions disagreed as his member steadily began to harden at the thought of Tom.

“Tom.” Bill gasped softly, trying to stay quiet. His mind was instantly assaulted with images and memories of the tall, somewhat removed, teenager.

Bill thought of how large and strong Tom’s hands were but yet how they appeared to be fragile and eloquent. Bill thought of how he never knew quite what Tom was thinking and it drove Bill wild with frustration. Bill thought of how utterly dominating Tom looked when he got that serious expression on his face when he studied. Bill thought of all of these things and soon he was hard in his hands.

“Oh.” Bill whispered, squeezing himself firmly. The pleasure is sent in waves throughout his entire body and Bill chokes. Bill’s classmate was right, it felt entirely different when thinking of someone. The pleasure was increased tenfold and Bill mewled wetting his lips.

Pale sharp hips bones were angled at the ceiling as Bill began to tug on himself in frenzy. He braced himself on the bed by splaying his legs while also pressing his shoulders hard against the cold mattress. Bill wished that Tom were really there in that moment to warm him up, as the older boy seemed to be a human furnace. But Tom wasn’t, so Bill could only moan softly as he pressed his index finger against his slit. Trembling fingers slowly wiped and spread the pearls of ecstasy that beaded from the top down the flesh of the boy’s shaft.

“Tom.” Bill whispered. His entire body quivered when he finally found a good pace.

His member was so hard in his delicate hands and Bill can’t believe that he’d never tried this before. Everything in the room seemed to be spinning. Bill’s breaths are coming out in short shallow pants now as his lungs expanded in ribcage, fighting for air. To suck in that sweet air that Bill’s pretends is scented with Tom’s cologne. That subtle smell that Bill had been able to pick up on the day they first kissed and when they rode on the rollercoaster together.

“Oh yes!” Bill mewled pathetically as his hips cantered upwards.

Bill imagined Tom’s hands replacing his own as his strokes became faster and faster. A little bit of drool made its way out of Bill’s mouth and stuck to his chin, as Bill is reduced to a hot mess. His darkest brown hair stuck to his sweaty forehead and Bill felt like his entire body was on fire. It burned. It burned so bad as Bill’s hand became rough but he couldn’t stop. The pleasure was nearing its peak and Bill wanted to chase it. Bill wanted to hunt it down and embrace it like he would if he ever saw Tom again.

“Oh Tom!” Bill’s voice was strained. He panted rapidly, chest rising and falling covered in a thin sheen of sweat.

“Oh my god.” Bill whined, curling his toes. The summit was near and Bill cried out as his small body could not even contain the feelings overpowering him.

“Tom!” Bill shrieked orgastically as he finally came undone.

Whites ribbons shot out and arced through the air before landing on the bed sheets in a splattered mess. Bill’s eyes were closed, envisioning Tom no doubt, as his body sang in pleasure. Then the decent down from the peak began as his member softened and Bill was left gasping on the bed. This had been the most intense moment of his life and Bill began to laugh weakly at just how winded he was. He could practically envision the cold manner Tom would assume after having sex and how he would push his up glasses before probably leaving.

Bill laughed at this, a sad bitter laugh as his post-orgasm bliss melted away to reality. This within itself broke Bill’s heart a little more.


	5. Chapter 5

_Bill was fourteen years old when he and Gustav have a talk_

Bill was lying wide-awake in bed when he heard a soft tapping at his window. After hours of restlessness, Bill was contemplating touching himself like he had a few nights previous just to help him get to sleep. Then a soft tap reverberated off of Bill’s window right when sleep began to take over. At first Bill had thought he imagined it until a few seconds later when the window was tapped against once more.

“What in the world?” Bill muttered, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. The wood floor was cold against Bill’s feet and he cursed whoever was bothering him at this hour.

“Bill!” A muffled voice shouted from the outside. Bill bristled and rushed over to the window, threw it open, and looked down to see Gustav standing in the yard waving his arms above his head.

“Gustav?” Bill hissed, looking worriedly to their parent’s bedroom window, “What are you doing outside?”

“I went to a party. Are Mom and Dad awake?” Gustav said in a forced whisper.

“They went to bed like two hours ago. You went to a party and you’re just getting back now?” Bill frowned, trying to do the math out in his head of just how long Gustav was at the party.

“Yeah it’s no big deal.” Gustav shrugged. He looked around the yard and set off for the tree that stood directly next to the house. The highest of branches just stopped short of Bill’s window and Bill cried out when realizing Gustav’s plan.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Bill demanded as Gustav shimmied higher up the tree’s trunk. His sneakers slipped uselessly against the bark a few times and Bill nearly had a heart attack.

“Gustav!” Bill hissed, leaning further out of his window, “You’re going to break your neck! Stop I’ll just go open the front door.”

“And risk Mom and Dad hearing me? The lock sticks remember? You’d have to hit it a few times in order to get it to open.” Gustav shook his head climbing higher.

“Oh my god you’re going fall and get caught.” Bill groaned, pressing a hand to his forehead.

“Shut up.” Gustav was panting a little bit as the climb became a little more difficult, “If you don’t stop talking then I really will fall and break my neck.”

“Alright.” Bill shut up immediately as Gustav finally reached the top branch.

“You’re going to want to move.” Gustav advised and Bill scurried out of the way just in time. Gustav swung backwards on the branch before launching himself at Bill’s window. The boy’s fingers grabbed the ledge tightly as he hauled himself inside. Bill closed his eyes, praying that their parents wouldn’t hear the soft thud Gustav’s sneakers made on the wood floor.

“So hey.” Gustav smiled sheepishly. He pulled off his sneakers and set them lightly down on the floor.

“Hey.” Bill muttered as the moment of excitement was over. Bill crawled back into bed and turned so that his back was facing Gustav. Gustav paused before clearing his throat trying to ease the tension in the room.

“What’s up with you?” Gustav sat himself down on the floor and Bill sighed, realizing that Gustav would not be leaving any time soon.

“Nothing. I’m just tired.” Bill mumbled, burying deeper into the sheets.

“Mom and Dad said that you’ve been acting like a brat for the past week.” Gustav shook his head; reclining backwards to rest on his arms, “Tell me what’s going on.”

“Oh fuck off.” Bill spat, sending his brother a venomous glare and Gustav blinked in surprise. Such harsh words for such an innocent looking youth.

“No seriously what’s wrong with you?” Gustav demanded, kicking Bill’s bed with his foot. The entire bed’s frame shook and Bill groaned throwing off the sheets to face his brother.

“You want to know what my problem is?” Bill hissed eyes narrowed, “My problem is that you’re never around anymore when I need you to be. You’re always off with your friends all the time, leaving me home alone with Mom and Dad, and they’re driving me nuts! It’s like because they don’t have perfect Gustav to obsess over, they’re starting to pick at me! They’ve been taking me to this quack because they think I’m depressed or something and no one will just leave me alone! I can’t stand it!”

“Bill-”

“You come home late at night so I can’t have a chance to talk with you and you smell like that dumb whore Ria and beer. So there,” Bill tipped his chin up defiantly, “How’s life been treating you Mr. Popularity?”

Gustav was silent for a long time before exhaling, “Well shit.”

“Yeah my life pretty much sucks right now.”

“Little dude, I’m sorry.” Gustav shook his head, “Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

“Are you ever around anymore? Sorry but I don’t feel like staying up until one in the morning to have a heart-to-heart chat with my drunk brother.” Bill snapped. He was putting on an angry upfront to communicate how frustrated he was with Gustav. In actuality Bill loved every second he was spending with Gustav in that moment. It seemed like it had been an eternity since the two of them had been able to speak privately.

“Yeah I’m sorry about that. Seriously Bill. I’ve kind of realized that I’m getting swept up in this whole high school scene. I mean I like being popular and everything, but it requires so much time and effort. Yesterday Coach Mike pulled me off to the side and told me unless I start getting higher grades in calculus, I’m going to get kicked off the team.”

“What?” Bill turned wide-eyed to his older brother, “You never told me that.”

“I’m going to get my grades up and stay on the team. Don’t tell Mom and Dad, there’s no need to worry. I can get them up I just need to lay low on the party scene for awhile.”

“Good.” Bill smiled genuinely and Gustav extended his arms for a hug. Bill obliged and snuggled into his brother’s arm finally as their differences were put aside.

“Sorry I’ve been a rotten older brother.” Gustav said.

“Sorry I’ve been a brat.” Bill laughed and Gustav ruffled Bill’s hair.

“So squirt,” Bill smiled at the nickname, “If you want to spend more time with me why don’t come camping with the boys and me?”

“What?” Bill wrinkled his nose at the thought of primal living conditions. There were no bathrooms in the woods and thought of squatting amongst some bushes disgusted Bill.

“Yeah!” Gustav took to the idea immediately, “You can share a tent with me!”

“Eh Gustav.” Bill groaned, “I don’t want to sleep in a tent! Camping is gross!”

“Oh come on! Be a man!” Gustav laughed, gathering his stuff off the floor, “Think it over a little more and tell me in the morning. We’re leaving on Wednesday so you’ll have to decide soon. Goodnight squirt.”

“Alright.” Bill said still unsure, “Night.”

* * *

_Bill is fourteen when he sleeps with Tom_

The first thing Bill complained about was how utterly filthy the woods were.

“There’s too much dirt.” Bill huffed, kicking at a little hump of moss. Bill cried out in pain when little hump turned out to be a rock as Bill stubbed his toe.

“It wouldn’t be the woods if there wasn’t any dirt.” Gustav snorted.

Gustav and Georg were setting up the tents while Bill wandered around complaining. The boy hadn’t stopped since they first left the Trumper house that morning and Georg’s cheery disposition was starting to wear thin. Bill whined yet again about the lack of a proper bathroom and Gustav sent Georg an apologetic look.

“Bill why don’t you go…I don’t know…help with something?” Gustav sighed.

“Why? You guys have already set up the tent.” Bill swatted at some bugs that flew overhead.

“Go help Tom get some firewood or something. I don’t know! Just go be useful somewhere else.” Gustav sighed.

“What?” Bill squawked, blushing bright red and Gustav shooed the boy off with a wave of his hand.

“Yeah go find Tom, I’m sure he needs help or something.”

Bill frowned a little bit before finally setting off in search of Tom. The boy’s insides were fluttering around wildly and Bill hugged his arms to his stomach. Bill hasn’t had a proper conversation with Tom in what felt like ages now and Bill wasn’t quite sure what to do. While thinking over whether or not to go on the camping trip with Gustav, Bill had decided that he really needed to get over Tom. Bill knew most likely that Tom would tag along for the camping trip and probably other events as well in the future. Tom was not going to simply disappear, he was a friend of Gustav’s and Bill would not try to break up their friendship. No, Bill needed to face his fears and nip this in the butt before it could carry on any further.

Bill spotted Tom’s figure up ahead and stopped dead in his tracks. Tom stood shirtless, heaving an ax above his head, to cut down at a tree stump. A hardy pile of firewood was piled beside the teen and Bill watched as Tom swung the ax high in the air again. The metal blade glistened in the fading summer sun as Tom’s muscles flexed in the effort. Tom had a lanky build with long lean muscles but still the teen was strong as Bill could see from Tom’s toned abdominal muscles.

Tom truly was a sight to behold and Bill had to shake himself from his stupor to remember the task at hand. Tom noticed Bill’s presence and threw the ax down so that it caught on the stump and stayed there.

Tom doesn’t even sound out of breath as he subtly wiped some sweat from his brow and Bill’s knees felt weak. Bill pinched his elbow very hard and tried to focus.

“Hi.” Bill frowned, looking anywhere but at Tom’s abs.

“Hey.” Tom returned, pulling a t-shirt from his jeans pocket, he dabbed at his face with it.

“So um…” Bill trailed off reminding himself to just get over this Tom thing, “Do you need help?”

Tom eyed Bill’s weak body over and raised an eyebrow.

“W-well I mean,” Bill stammered bright red, “Gustav and Georg sent me out here to see if you needed help or something. They’re almost done with the tent.”

“I’m fine.” Tom shrugged, picking up the ax again in preparation for a swing, “Besides you’d just get in the way.”

“What?” Bill screeched; awkward embarrassment now replaced by insulted anger.

“Well look at you.” Tom’s face was absolutely serious when he says, “You probably couldn’t even lift the ax.”

“I could so!” Bill was insulted that Tom still viewed him as a child. Suddenly that fire was rising up inside of Bill again as his plan to forget all about Tom was abandoned. Bill remembered why he was so obsessed with gaining with Tom’s approval, why he admired the teen so. Tom didn’t view Bill as an equal and that was a challenge for Bill.

“You’d hurt yourself trying.” Tom smirked and Bill huffed storming over to the teen. Tom raised his eyebrows in amusement as Bill squared up with him and took the ax from his hands. Bill’ weak arms struggled for a few moments to hold the ax upright properly but he finally succeeds. Bill looked to Tom in triumph and Tom clapped his hands in applause.

“Very good.” Tom’s golden eyes flashed something sinister and Bill’ smile wavered, “But can you actually cut anything with it?”

“Of course I can!” Bill tried to lift the ax as Tom had done but fails miserably. Tom’s hand shot out just in time to catch the heavy ax before Bill lost total control of it.

“The little prince can’t even cut wood. My, my how you have been sheltered.” Tom taunted and Bill’ face burned.

“I am not!” Bill shouted lunging at Tom who easily stepped out of the way. The two wrestled around for a few minutes, Bill’ halfhearted protests filling the air, as Tom strings Bill along deeper and deeper into what is the metaphorical web of seduction. The dark haired teen with the golden eyes does it so easily and flawlessly that Bill does not even realize what Tom’s playful teasing is doing. With each move they brush closer and closer to one another until Tom is able to smell the strawberry shampoo of Bill’ hair.

“Give it back!” Bill reached for the tool but Tom held just out of arms reach, “I can to! Tom give it to me!”

Tom met Bill’ eyes and smirked as Bill realized what he’s just said.

“I didn’t mean it like that!” Bill protested face burning even brighter as his ears burn as well.

“Hmm.” Tom hummed setting the ax down gently before turning to fully face Bill, “You’ve been avoiding me, Bill.”

“No.” Tom makes Bill’ name sound to delicious and Bill’ head swam as Tom backed the boy up, “I’ve been busy with school and you haven’t been around.”

“No, I think you’ve been hiding from me.” Tom smirked as Bill found himself rooted in place.

“I was mad at you.” Bill whispered all too aware of how close Tom’s face was to his now, “You never told me that you had a girlfriend.”

“That’s it?” Tom raised an eyebrow in amusement, “Childish.”

“Not when it’s my feelings you’re stringing along. You lied to me.” Bill snapped. Bill desperately wanted to be able to put Tom Kaulitz in a cupboard, to lock the door, and throw away the key so that Bill never has to deal with him again. But Tom’s smile was disarming and his hands are warm on Bill’ lower back. Tom is older and attractive and Bill found that he was weak-willed around the older boy.

“You never asked if I had a girlfriend. I never lied to you. I would never lie to you Bill you know that. You really need grow up sometime, it’s perfectly normal to hook up with different people if you’re still dating someone.” Tom’s smirk was gone as he stared down Bill in the manner a disapproving parent would. Bill submitted to authority and looked up at Tom in foolish belief.

“Really?”

“Of course.” Tom’s hands moved around to encircle Bill’ hips as they pulled the two’s bodies closer, “After all, how many girls does Gustav hook up with and yet he’s still going out with Ria.”

“But Hannah always gets mad when-” Bill began.

“Ria is a whore.” Tom interrupted saying everything Bill had always thought of the girl. “She’s always trying to steal away Gustav’s attention for herself. She doesn’t like to share Gustav, so of course she’ll get mad when Gustav hooks up with other girls.”

Tom’s logic made sense to Bill, after all hadn’t Bill himself told Gustav the previous night that it never seemed he had time for Bill? Surely Ria was to blame for this with her clingy attitude and wicked ways.

“But what about your girlfriend?” Bill’ breath hitched a little as Tom’s chest bumped his own. Tom smiled and leans down to nuzzle against Bill’ neck. The boy’s heart is beating increasingly fast now and he whimpers softly as Tom’s lips slide across pale skin.

“Do you see my girlfriend here right now?” Tom asked, kissing Bill’s neck softly and then boy moaned.

“Tom.” Bill panted as Tom’s hands gripped Bill tighter.

Tom smirked against Bill’s skin, just about to speak when the pair heard the faintest of calls coming from Gustav and Georg. Tom’s hands immediately dropped from Bill’s waist as he distanced himself from the boy.

“Hey guys!” Georg’s voice called through the woods, “We got the tents set up! Do you need help carrying the wood?”

“Nah, I got it!” Tom called back, picking up the pile of wood with ease while dangling the ax with just one hand. Bill felt ashamed of how much stronger Tom was than him but at the same time a sense of pride. Tom really was attractive and there was no doubt in Bill’s mind that Tom could easily take any boy from Bill’s school.

“Little prince, you coming or what?” Tom called over his shoulder. Bill smiled softly as he bit at his lip before taking off after the older boy. All finally seemed right in the world.

* * *

Bill twirled his marshmallow through the flames of the fire pit. The white slowly changed to a burnt golden color and Bill sighed a little when the sugary treat catches fire. Across from him sat Tom who had opted out of roasting marshmallows in favor of reading a book. Gustav and Georg had forgotten the ten-pack of beer that the group had brought along back in the car as so they’d gone back to get it. It would take an hour at least to go retrieve it as the car had been parked in a designated zone a few miles north.

Tom and Bill were finally left alone but it seemed that Tom had better things to do. Bill sighed dramatically and flicked his marshmallow back into the fire while sneaking a glance at Tom to see if he’d noticed. Tom had not and Bill sighed again louder this time.

“What?” Tom deadpanned not even bothering to look up from his book and Bill giggled. He set down his roasting stick and pranced over to the older teen to sit besides him on a log.

“I’m bored. Camping is boring.” Bill pouted.

“Gustav and Georg will be back soon, you can bother them then.” Tom returned, flipping to another page. Bill squinted at the text but he can’t understand a single thing that was happening in the story, all of words were either too big or look funny.

“Tom why are you reading? Reading is boring. Play checkers with me.” Bill pleaded, tugging on the teens arm. Tom sighed frustration and Bill bit his lip smiling.

“I don’t want to play checkers now I’m reading my book. Go find some frogs or something.”

“Ew! Gross! Like hell I’m going to touch something slimy frog.” Bill squawked and Tom flipped another page. Bill had lost Tom’s attention once more and he knocked the book out of Tom’s hands. Tom’s mouth pulled into a tight line and Bill smiled as he finally got a reaction out of the boy.

“So you’re bored, Bill?” Tom asked and Bill smiled innocently, “You’re bored and you have nothing to do?”

“Camping is boring.” Bill offered up softly and Tom moved in closer towards Bill. Finally, Bill thinks. He’d been waiting all night to get Tom riled up like this and Bill’s blood began to pump in anticipation.

“I think I know something much more fun. Would the rotten little prince like to know?” Tom smirked grabbing a fistful of Bill’s dark locks at the back of the boy’s head. Bill mewled in discomfort and slid closer to Tom as the older boy’s hand pressed Bill’s head in further.

“Will you show me?” Bill felt absolutely naughty right now but he was loving the attention Tom was paying him. Bill had never seen Tom act quite like before and it made Bill’s stomach all fluttery.

“Hmm.” Tom hummed before pressing their lips together.

Bill moaned softly into the kiss as Tom snaked his other arm around Bill’s waist. The teen’s grip on the boy was firm and Bill draped himself like a curtain against Tom’s frame. Tom ravaged Bill’s mouth with his tongue and poor Bill tried to keep up. It’s not that much of a fight for dominance as Tom easily bends Bill to his will but the older boy loves how small Bill feels in his hands. He loves the way Bill’ little tongue meekly meets his and Tom groaned in approval.

“Tom.” Bill gasped for air as Tom’s hands squeezed Bill’s backside roughly.

The summer air was hot and humid but the heat coming from Tom was even hotter. Bill can feel every part of his body that was touching Tom’s and Bill wrapped his arms around Tom’s neck. The two were now pressed flush against each other but Tom took it one step further by pulling Bill into his lap. The young boy fitted easily and Bill could now feel Tom’s hardness poking into his thigh.

“Fuck.” Tom hissed, adjusting himself as Bill’s weight shifted above him. The boy’s eyes were glazed over in pleasure and he had a nice pink to his entire body now.

“Tom.” Bill sighed, nosing into Tom’s neck and Tom looked towards the part of the woods that Gustav and Georg had disappeared to. They’d have enough time but they’d have to be quick about it.

“We’d have enough time.” Tom said to himself and Bill blinked dazed.

“Hmm? Enough time for what?” Bill asked, hugging Tom closer.

“Come on.” Tom doesn’t bother answering Bill as he tugged the boy to his feet.

Bill followed Tom without objection into the teen’s tent and allowed himself to be pushed down onto Tom’s sleeping bag. Bill allowed Tom to remove Bill’s clothes and more than willingly removed Tom’s. Bill allowed Tom to bite at Bill’s neck and allowed Tom to leave a mark, to claim him. Bill allowed all of these things and it was no wonder why the young boy got in his head that this must be love.

“Tom!” Bill moaned as Tom’s body moved against his own.

It felt absolutely wonderful to have another firm hard body to grind against, for Bill to rub his member against Tom’s equally hard one. Tom was larger than Bill in all ways possible and the boy loved how it made him feel so delicate and small with Tom looming over him like that.

A single bead of sweat slides down from Tom’s temple and hangs on the sharp edge of his chin. Bill watches as it beads before it falls directly onto Bill’s heaving chest and he groans. Tom is still preoccupied with ripping the skin from Bill’s neck and the boy mewls when the other bites a little too hard. His thin legs are stretched wide to either side of Tom’s body as each brush causes Tom’s junk to rub against Bill’ leaking member.

Bill is nowhere near the size of Tom but Bill feels more grown up than he’s ever felt before. Bill is finally going to have sex, and with Tom of all people. Sex is what adults do and Tom is the most adult person that Bill knows. The blonde is on cloud nine when Tom pulls away from his neck to whisper something.

“Do you wanna?” Tom’s breath sounds uneven and the low tone to his voice makes Bill shudder. Tom was simply too much for Bill to take entirely and he blushes with joy while nodding yes.

“Yes.” Bill breathes leaning up to press a kiss to Tom’s bare chest, “Please. Oh god please, Tom. I want to so bad.”

“Shit.” Tom hisses entirely turned on. Tom’s cock is already leaking at the head and when he sits up to go find some lube, his fluids spread across Bill’ chest. The boy gasps in surprise and Tom sends Bill a smirk of amusement.

“Come back here.” Bill pleads resting his head back against the softness of the sleeping bag, “What are you doing over there?”

“Getting some stuff.” Tom returns with a bottle at hand and Bill is confused.

“What is that?” The boy seems weary and Tom pops the cap open for Bill to smell the gel.

“It’s lube. You didn’t think it was just going to slide on there did you?” Tom squirts out a little bit onto his hands and the tent smells of strawberries.

“Strawberry?” Bill questions watching as Tom coats his fingers in the substance.

“Hmm like your shampoo.” Tom grunts crawling back atop of Bill. Bill sighs as Tom’s weight returns over him.

There is a hazy feeling to the tent that makes Bill’ mind swim. In this tent, out in the secluded woods away from civilization, away from pesky classmates, away from bothersome parents, it’s just Tom and Bill. It’s like their own little world in that tent as it provides a sense of security and perhaps that is why Bill does not really think over what it will really mean if Tom fucks him.

Tom leans down to kiss Bill once and the boy delights in how many kisses he’s received. Bill had always figured that Tom wouldn’t be the type to kiss but Tom’s true intention is diversion. As the two seem to breath into one another’s mouth, Tom’s fingers dance a trail down Bill’ arched back. They caress the boy’s skin before reaching Bill’ back and then slide down lower. Tom grasps to greedy handfuls before lifting and separating Bill’ cheeks which earns him a squeal.

“Tom.” Bill pants against Tom’s neck as Tom squeezes the flesh roughly.

The teen’s middle finger slides between the cheeks with ease and presses against Bill’ entrance. Bill’ body has stilled now in waiting and Tom begins to suckle on Bill’ left nipple to relax the boy. Tom’s finger circles around and around the tight ring of muscles before Tom makes his move. He laves at Bill’ chest with his tongue and the boy cries out grabbing at Tom’s head, just in that moment Tom also takes the opportunity to work his finger inside of Bill.

“What-oh!” Bill yelps at the foreign feeling of something pressing inside of him. It feels strange to Bill and he wiggles around it trying to adjust.

“Too much?” Tom asks, second finger already lying in wait. They’ll only have so much time before Georg and Gustav return from the car and Tom wishes that they could hurry this up. However Tom also knows logically that Bill is virgin and if his first time is too rough, Bill will be turned off to the idea of sex in the future.

Tom is not what one would consider to be a lady’s man; at the same time Tom is no fairy. One might even think Tom is asexual given how unfeeling the teen seems to be when really it quite the opposite. Tom will not discover until in college he is rather a sex fiend that carves physical pleasure. It’s like some sort of demon takes over Tom’s body and awakens these feelings within Tom. That is not to say that in this moment, in that tent in which Tom was to fuck Bill, was not in Tom’s control. Oh no, this was all very planned out and it was pure luck that Gustav and Georg had taken off entirely. That had shifted Tom’s plan from taking poor Bill behind a bush or something to the comfort of Tom’s own sleeping bag. This was all very planned and Tom rather did enjoy and appreciate Bill’ clearly male body.

“Oh god.” Tom moans rubbing himself against Bill’ leg as he works another finger in. Bill moans softly as he is stretched even further and Tom tries to keep it together at the needy sound.

“Please Tom.” Bill begs grabbing at Tom’s shoulders, “I need you.”

“I’m done preparing you yet.”

“I don’t care. Now.” Bill pleads moaning softly as Tom’s fingers work deeper. Tom’s yet to find Bill’ special spot and it’s sort of pissing him off. Tom also knows that they are limited on time and isn’t sure how much longer he can hold it all together. Therefore with an unusual lack of judgment, Tom agrees to take Bill after only two fingers.

“Are you ready?” Tom asks pulling his fingers from Bill with a wet squelch. Bill brings his knees together and moans in delirious pleasure. It’s all too much for his thirteen-year-old body to take and Tom knows that Bill is probably at his limit too.

“Yes, please.” Bill begs hugging Tom close.

“Brace yourself.” Tom warns positioning himself at Bill’ hole.

Tom does not bother with protection, he’s clean and Bill is so young there’s no threat. But overall Tom doesn’t use anything because he loves the way sex feels without a condom. Condoms almost numb the feeling of skin against skin and Tom plans to blow his load _inside_ of Bill.

“Tom.” Bill presses a kiss to Tom’s neck as Tom begins to ease his way in Bill.

At first it just feels odd but Tom is rather large and soon Bill is squeezing his eyes shut in pain at the tight squeeze. Tom is panting heavily now and has resorted to pressing his forehead against Bill’ shoulder while bracing his hands on either side of the blonde’s head. His stomach muscles strain from resisting the urge to just jackhammer forward at a brutal pace for fear of braking Bill.

“Ah.” Bill cries softly as his body struggles to accommodate Tom. His body stretches an angry red at the site of connection and Bill yelps when Tom pushes forward a little too hard. Tears are streaming down Bill’ sweaty face now but he’s still yet to utter a sob.

“A-Bill… fuck.” Tom hisses fingers clenching the material of the sleeping bag, “I have to move! God dammit I have to move or I’m going to burst.”

“It hurts.” Bill whispers, the pain to great for Bill to speak at normal volume. Bill is not bleeding, yet, so Tom decides that the pain must not be too bad.

“I’m going to move. Hold on to me.” Tom warns.

Bill barely has time to grab onto Tom’s forearms before the teen is slamming home hard. Bill throws in his back in a very vocal cry of pain and Tom moans in pleasure as that ring of muscles clenches around him. Bill’ little body is tight and hot and Tom cannot help but notice how tight is Bill is compared to others he’s slept with.

“You good?” Tom asks thrusting hard once more and Bill screams, nails digging into Tom’s arm and breaking skin.

“No! No! No!” Bill chants sobbing now, “It hurts! It hurts! Oh my god, take it out. Tom, please!”

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Tom’s hips slam forward and back, balls slamming against Bill’ backside. Tom couldn’t stop even if he wanted to and he hisses pressing a desperate kiss to Bill’ tear streaked face.

“Bear with it. Come on.” Tom pants. He angles his hips at a new angle so that Bill’ back arcs more and slams forward. The new position had Tom hitting Bill’ spot dead on now and the boy cries out for a new reason.

“Oh shit!” Bill moans turning his head to the side.

“Come on. Come for me, Bill. Come on.” Tom pants in Bill’ ear as he drives in again and again. Tom’s pace picks up something vicious and the reason he’d warned Bill to hold on becomes clear. The next thrust is so powerful that Bill is sent sliding up the sleep bag from the force.

Bill is no doubt bleeding and ripped down there now but the pleasure is so intense that Bill doesn’t even notice. In fact he begins to crave the pain that each of Tom’s thrusts bring until he’s at the edge again.

“Tom!” Bill wails grabbing on Tom’s shoulders as he comes without even needing to be touched.

Bill’ orgasm does not slow Tom’s pace as he thrusts enthusiastically into the newfound tightness. Bill comes down from his high and he lies pliant beneath the older boy as Tom had his way with him. Tom hikes Bill’ legs higher over his shoulders and soon he too is coming.

“Oh!” Bill cries out surprised as he can feel it. Bill can feel Tom coming inside of him, Bill can feel Tom blowing his load directly onto his special spot. It’s a pleasant feeling but not better than when Tom sags against Bill.

“Oh fuck.” Tom pants easing out of Bill’ body. Some come overflows from the small now bleeding hole and Bill hisses in pain.

“Oh Tom.” Bill sighs as Tom reaches for his own shirt to dab at Bill’ rear. Bill finds it sweet that Tom would be willing to use his own shirt to take care of him and Bill coos.

“Once you get your legs back you need to get changed.” Tom’s tone is almost cold and warning. It catches Bill off guard and he struggles to sit up, hissing when it causes him a sharp shooting pain.

“What do you mean?”

“Gustav and Georg will be back soon. There’s no way around it if they come back to find you naked in my tent.”

“Oh okay.” Bill says as Tom pulls back on his boxers. That’s Tom for you, always thinking ahead and making the appropriate plans for any obstacle. Bill admires Tom’s cunning but he secretly wishes that Tom would have at least held him afterwards.

When Tom is finally finished changing he begins to help Bill dress. It’s a slow task as the pain in Bill’s rear in unbelievable and Tom must pull on Bill’ pants by himself. But nonetheless there’s not a hair out of place on the two of them by the time Gustav and Georg return, already tipsy as eight of the ten-pack are gone.

Gustav and Georg are so out of it when bedtime rolls around that neither of them question where Tom disappears to. Bill enjoys a goodnight kiss in the safety of his own tent.


	6. Chapter 6

_Bill is fourteen when he chooses not to join in_

The sun had always been an irritating thing in Bill Trumper's life. With its harmful rays that would turn Bill's pristine white skin a splotchy red or how it would become bothersome and hot thus leaving Bill's hair an unruly mess. Unfortunately Bill was unable to escape the sun in sunny scenic Cape Cod. The Kaulitz family had felt a proper 'thank you' was long overdue as it seemed their only son Tom spent all of his time with the Trumper family. As a result the Mr. and Mrs. Kaulitz had insisted that Gustav and Bill accompany them to their family vacation cottage. It was small establishment but no doubt worth a few million due to its location directly on the beach. However small was not always better as Bill, Tom, and Gustav were all forced to share a room.

The fourteen-year-old sulked from his spot under the beach umbrella while a multitude of happy beach goers frolicked around in the sand before Bill. The crowd ranged from the elderly in their unsightly bathing suits to the young that waddled up and down the dunes with waterlogged diapers. A group of teenage girls in skimpy bikinis had set up a game of beach volleyball directly next to the group as both Tom and Gustav had been roped into joining in on the game. One of the girls had been kind enough to ask Bill if he was interested in joining but Bill had declined immediately.

Bill was weary of the opposite sex, he always had been since an early age. Bill himself wasn't even quite sure where his aversion stemmed from, considering that he loved his mother dearly. However whenever around girls of his own age or older Bill could not help but detest them. He hated how perfect girls always were but how such perfection was simply a clever used of makeup and hair dye. Bill hated the fountain of lies that would always flow their glossed lips when talking to others and even of their own kind. Females were false-faced demons in Bill's opinion.

The girl that had asked Bill to join them earlier caught the young boy's eye. She was probably in her last year of high school, definitely older than Gustav and Tom, and Bill could not help but pick her apart.

"Hair's been highlighted by a few shades." Bill muttered to himself watching as the girl dove for the ball.

The girl managed to save the ball just in time and Gustav spiked it back over the net into the sand. The teams aren't really fair with both Tom and Gustav on the same team but the girls don't seem to mind.

"She's too tan. She'll probably wrinkle when she gets older and look like a leather handbag." Bill lifted his toes from the beach towel to the sand, only to discover that the sand was cold. Bill buried his toes more and sighed at the cool texture against his skin.

"Her boobs are too small." Bill said quietly to himself eyeing the small orange triangles that covered the girl's chest, "She's a flat as a boy."

The girl brushed some sand off from her bottom and laughed when her friends made an offhand comment. When the game paused Gustav took the opportunity to take off his shirt and the girls giggled amongst themselves. Bill's eyes narrowed at his brother's behavior and how obvious his intentions were.

"So much for staying loyal to Ria all summer." Bill muttered as one of the girls made her way over to Bill's towel.

"Hey kiddo." The girl smiled before bending over with her hands resting on her knees. Gravity dragged the girl's cleavage down and together directly in front of Bill's face but the boy merely blinked before looking up to the girl's face. She's dark haired just like Bill but Bill can tell that her color comes from a bottle.

"I'm a little tired of sun and I was wondering if I could join you?" The girl shifted her weight so that she was leaning closer to Bill and the boy frowned. Bill wasn't quite sure what to make of this girl's body language and he scooted further back on the towel unsure.

"Who are you?" Bill's mocha eyes are cold as ice and the girl's smile faltered from a moment.

"I'm Lizzie." The girl smiled sweetly.

"Really?" Her answer catches Bill off guard, "There's a girl in my class named Lizzie."

"Really now?" Lizzie took this as an invitation to sit down besides Bill and the boy made room, "Your brother said that you're a freshman."

Bill opened his mouth about to correct her that he's actually in middle school but stopped himself. Lizzie's eyes hold a mischievous glimmer that she really knows the truth but is willing to overlook that factor. Bill cannot understand what this older high school girl could possibly want from him. Why would she want Bill with his scrawny pale body when she could have Gustav with his tanned skin and muscles?

"But don't worry, I think you're pretty cool." Lizzie said, leaning back to rest on her forearms. She stared out at the group still playing volleyball and Bill followed her gaze. He took in how glamorous their group must look given the multitude of tanned thin girls in bikinis to the shirtless muscled forms of Gustav and Tom.

Tom looked like as if he'd barely broken a sweat and yet was a menace on the court as he struck the ball back over the net. Neither Gustav nor Tom had assigned specific roles such a striker or setter, but they found a rhyme that seemed to work.

"We've barely spoken for more than five minutes." Bill frowned, turning to look back at Lizzie. The older girl caught his eye and laughed.

"You've got spunk. I like that." Lizzie groaned and lied down entirely on the towel besides Bill. The boy watched her curiously as she absentmindedly stroked her index finger between the hollow of her ribs.

"I remember when I was your age." Lizzie poked Bill in the thigh, "I have an older brother too, Alec. And every summer our parents would drag us to this godforsaken beach and Alec would take off and be… well he'd be the typical older brother. He was always meeting new people at the beach and it was like they were drawn to him. Once you met Alec you wanted desperately to become friends with him. He'd always have hoards of people following him around like he owned the place."

"…" Bill said nothing as he looked out at Gustav. He watched Gustav enjoy the summer sun and have fun while Bill sat removed on a towel.

"And I," Lizzie smiled bitterly at Bill, "I would do exactly what you're doing now. I'd remove myself from being around him and just sit and watch him. I'd lock myself in Alec's Jeep and watch summer after summer as everyone else seemed to being having fun."

Bill raised an eyebrow, not sure if this girl was bullshitting him or telling him the truth. Maybe it's the glare of the sun but for a few seconds Bill can actually see Lizzie sulking in a car as a teen just as Bill was doing now on his towel.

"So what happened?"

"Hmm?" Lizzie hummed, closing her eyes.

"What happened? You seem to enjoy hanging out on the beach now. So what exactly happened for the change in attitude?"

"Well we have to grow up sooner or later." Lizzie said with a hint of melancholy in her voice. The mood shifted suddenly and Bill can truly hear the sadness in Lizzie's voice.

"Like all kids eventually do, Alec grew up. He went off to university, stopped coming home for summer break, got an internship with a law firm, and essentially grew up. When university was done, Alec got a job in the real world. He doesn't have time to be that guy you meet on the beach anymore." Lizzie's voice grew quieter towards the end and realization finally hit Bill.

"And now that's you?" He asked, titling his head to the side. Lizzie's eyes flew open and she sent Bill a shocked expression.

"So once Alec was gone you started enjoying the beach. But now you've become that girl you that meet on the beach and the same thing is happening to you. You're a senior in high school and now you'll be going off to university soon. Your beach days are over." There is no bite in Bill's voice, just simple curiosity mixed with knowing.

"Yeah." Lizzie said after a few moments. She lied back down again on the towel and smiled a tired smile at Bill. "I guess you could say that."

Bill hummed and looked back out towards the water.

"You're pretty smart for just a kid." Lizzie murmured, eyes closed tight against the obtrusive sun.

"I don't like to view myself as a kid. Being a kid is awful." Bill shook his head, thoughts immediately going to Claude. Lizzie sent Bill a look of understanding and pity that the boy seemed to miss.

"Just don't grow up to fast."

* * *

_Bill is fourteen years old when he becomes jealous_

It was only a few hours after going to the beach that Lizzie and her group of friends invited them back to a party at someone's house. Gustav had been all for it while Tom had simply shrugged why not. Bill, not thinking that a party would be any fun, tried to sneak off but Lizzie had insisted that he come.

She'd told him that it was time Bill started having some fun of his own and Bill had grudgingly agreed. Then that glamorous group of people had all packed their stuff, piled into their matching red Jeeps, and driven to a house only a few miles down from the Kaulitz's.

The house was slightly bigger than the one Bill was staying in and was already packed with teenagers by the time the Jeeps pulled up. However no one even seemed to bat an eyelash at their party being late as they quickly worked their way inside.

Never in Bill's life had he seen a party like this. It felt like an entire high school was packed into the house, as bodies pressed up against Bill's from every angle not matter how much he tried to move out of the way. There were plastic cups tossed carelessly around the yard along with the bodies of those that had already passed out. The house seemed to vibrate with music and Bill had feared that the neighbors would call that cops on them. However every house on the road had its lights out with no sign of life.

There was no doubt alcohol at the party; Bill could smell it on everyone's breath. Somehow during the grinding bodies that surrounded the poor boy, Bill had become separated from his group. He was the youngest person there but no one even spared a second look at the fourteen-year-old sitting on the stairs. A group of loud boys could be heard shouting 'Chug!' from the other room and there was a couple making out in the corner just to Bill's left.

"This is stupid." Bill muttered to himself, as his situation only seemed to become more hopeless.

The sounds of the party were blaring in Bill's ears when he finally decided enough was enough. Bill would look for Gustav and ask to go home; and if he couldn't find Gustav then Bill would walk home. The wiry boy stood up and began to push his way through the crowd. Various limbs and body parts knocked into Bill as his height left him directly at most of the partygoer's elbows but Bill doesn't give up. He shoved an especially rotund high schooler out the way when a hand came to rest on Bill's shoulder. The boy whirled around, about to chew out the person if it was some drunken guy trying to make a move on him.

"Hey you." Lizzie shouted to be heard over the music, "Where'd you go? We barely got through the door and you took off."

"We got separated." Bill shouted back as the speakers pulsed with the music, "I tried to find you."

"We're hanging out in one of the rooms upstairs. Come up there it's quieter than down here."

"It's what?" Bill shouted, straining to hear. Lizzie leaned down to yell directly into Bill's ear and the boy cringed when she did.

"It's a lot quieter than down here! Quieter!" She yelled, grabbing Bill by the arm to pull him along.

The pair made their way through the crowd until finally they were heading up the stairs. The music and noise of the party was not entirely blocked out but it was more muffled now and Bill sighed in relief. It felt like his eardrums had burst and he rubbed his head a little bit.

"I found him!" Lizzie announced as she kicked open a door and Bill's eyes widened.

The bedroom was entirely dark save for the few flickers of lighters being passed amongst the group. Everyone was seated on the floor gathered around a strange looking glass contraption and Gustav sent Bill a lazy smile. It looked like a deformed version of the genie's bottle in Aladdin and Bill watched as one girl put her mouth over the opening at the top.

"What's up little bro?" Gustav raised a hand in welcome. Smoke floated from out the room and Bill coughed as it made his eyes water.

"What are you guys doing in here?" Bill wheezed as Lizzie pulled him inside and shut the door.

"What haven't we done in here?" One girl murmured from the corner and another laughed.

"Weed." Lizzie seemed to the only one truly with it but that soon went to hell once she took a hit herself. Bill watched her, absolutely fascinated as Lizzie inhaled deeply.

"You want to try?" One girl hidden in the darkness asked but, before Bill could even so much as process what she'd said, Tom spoke up.

"Absolutely not." Tom's voice was firm although the teen's eyes looked sated.

"Aww." Lizzie socked Tom in the arm, "You're no fun. Let the kid have some fun."

"I'm a lot of fun." Gustav muttered, lying down on the floor. Tom simply snorted before returning to the fat joint the group was also passing around.

"I know what's fun." The tanned girl with the orange bikini from before spoke up, "Let's play truth or dare."

"Ohh! I love that game." Lizzie agreed scooting closer so that group formed a ring around the bong.

"I'll go first!" Gustav spoke up a little too loud and Bill winced at how embarrassing his brother was acting at the moment.

"Okay then," One girl said, "Truth or dare."

"Dare." Gustav said without hesitation.

"I dare you to take me in the other room and make out with me." The girl smiled and the entire group erupted in hollers. Gustav quickly got to his feet and practically ripped the girl's arm out as he dragged her into another room.

"Gross." Bill whispered but Lizzie heard it and sent Bill an amused look.

"Okay my turn." Lizzie said turning to Bill, "Bill, truth or dare?"

"Truth." Bill said and the group groaned in disappointment.

"Alright then, have you ever drunk alcohol?" Lizzie asked, eyes flickering.

"No." The whole group groaned again at Bill's answer.

"Your turn."

"Alright." Bill breathed in smoky air of the room and he coughed. He randomly turned to one girl, "Truth or dare?"

"Dare." The girl purred and Bill paused trying to think of something that wouldn't totally make him seem immature.

"I dare you to do the craziest thing you can think of right now." Bill said feeling quite proud of himself for coming up with that.

"Craziest thing I can think of?" The girl repeated looking around at the group. Her gaze stopped on Tom as her smile widened, "Oh I know what I'm going to do."

Bill's stomach did an uncomfortable lurch when the girl crawled across the floor towards Tom. Tom simply smirked in amusement as she wiggled her way into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. She then cupped Tom's face and tilted her head to the side as she leaned forward. Bill could only watch in a shocked numbness as the girl then proceeded to start to make out with Tom. This continued on for a few seconds before Tom finally pulled away and the girl got out of his lap with a pout on her face. Bill frowned and clenched his hands behind his back.

"My turn." Tom said, eyes boring directly into Bill's soul and the boy trembled, "Bill, truth or dare?"

"Tru-" Bill began when Lizzie cut him off.

"Oh come on kid! Have some fun! Choose dare! Dare!" Lizzie encouraged Bill, patting him roughly on the back as the rest of the girls nodded in agreement.

"Okay fine." Bill's cheeks flushed bright red, "Dare then I guess."

"I dare you to drink two bottles of beer right now." Tom's expression is serious and Bill whined in the back of his throat.

"Right now?" Bill looked to the assortment of drinks that littered the floor, "But I've never-"

"A dare is a dare." Tom interrupted and Lizzie snatched two unopened cans off the bed.

"Those were mine." One girl said sounding as if she'd fall asleep at any moment.

"Oh shut up." Lizzie rolled her eyes before handing Bill the cans, "Kid it's about time you have fun."

"I don't know about this." Bill swallowed at how dark Tom's eyes were, "What if something bad happens?"

"What's the worst that could happen?" Another girl said, throwing an empty can at Bill in mockery, "I've smoked more shit that I can count and I'm fine."

"Come on Bill you're slowing the game down." Lizzie said taking a hit off the joint that's been passed to her.

"It's just… I don't…" Bill stuttered as his cheeks flushed with color.

"Bill do it." Tom's voice broke the boy of his fear with its authoritative tone and Bill popped the first can open. Bill wanted to prove that he was not the child that Tom thought him to be. He wanted to show up that girl that had the nerve to kiss Tom. But most of all, Bill wanted all of Tom's attention to be on him.

The beer fizzes a little bit before Bill took his first sip of alcohol ever. It tasted bitter and odd against Bill's tongue and he pulled a disgusted face. The group laughed a little before Bill took another sip, and another one, and then another one. When Bill was halfway through the first can his stomach started to hurt but the taste no longer bothered him as much. In fact Bill started to really like the aftertaste the beer had and he took another sip.

"Almost done with the first can." One girl said patting Bill on the back and the boy smiled in pride.

"What is this?" Bill asked although it took him a minute to formulate the words in his head.

"Otter Creek got it when we were in Vermont." One girl supplied and Bill finished off the first can.

"Ugh!" Bill threw the can on the ground and everyone around him was laughing. Bill's head felt a little heavy but the boy's not entirely drunk yet, his system had yet to catch up with him.

"One more Bill." Lizzie said handing Bill the second can, "Come on you can do it. Let's see how fast you drink this one, huh?"

"Chug!" One girl giggled.

"Chug!" Another one joined in as Bill popped the top on the second can. Again the beer fizzed and Bill wrinkled his nose when the smell made him nauseous.

"I…" Bill's tongue felt like a limp fish in his mouth, "I don't feel too hot."

"Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!" The voices were shouting around Bill now and the poor boy could barely make out their faces in the darkly light room. He spotted Tom's figure sitting directly across from him and Bill's stomach turned unpleasantly.

"Come on!" A voice cheered as a hand slapped Bill on the shoulder.

Within an instant the boy had thrown his head back in attempt to down the can. Beer slipped out from the sides of Bill's mouth and dripped down his neck but the boy does not stop. He drunk desperately the way one would drink water although the liquid didn't seem to be going down as easily as it had the first time. The voices cheering Bill on seemed blend together in one big blur and the room seemed to be spinning around Bill as well.

The voices, they're chanting, they're mocking, and they're laughing as Bill struggled to finish off the can. Bill stopped before he can finish the can off and fall forward on the ground. His legs felt weak and his back was tired from sitting crossed legged for so long. Then a girl's voice is asking if Bill was okay as a hand rubbed his back.

"I-I don't…" Bill mumbled, turning his face towards the rug. His stomach was churning and churning no matter how much Bill willed it stop.

"Bill?" A voice asked as stronger set of hands now was grasping Bill's shoulder. The hands turned Bill over so that he was on his back with his head cradled.

"Bill can you hear me?" The voice asked again and Bill had a momentary flash of clearness as he identified the voice as Tom's.

"I want to go… go home." Bill managed to get out as his head whirled.

Then everything was in a blur as Bill had flashes of what happened next. Bill saw the concerned face of Lizzie leaning over him before she was pressing a soft kiss to Bill's unresponsive lips. Then Bill can hear Gustav's voice telling them that he's staying over at that girl from the dare's house. Bill had flashes of the people dancing down stairs and then the garden outside of the Kaulitz's house.

Bill wasn't quite sure what was happening but then Tom was kissing him. Tom was kissing and telling Bill how foolish he was. Bill wanted to tell Tom that it was he who told Bill to drink the beer but Bill can't seem to get his tongue working. But Bill doesn't even need to move his tongue as Tom's invaded his mouth and brushed against his. Tom's hands are grabbing at Bill all over and the boy groaned.

"No." Bill murmured, turning his head to the side as Tom landed a kiss to his neck. Tom's hands were tugging off Bill's clothes now and Bill wonders where Mr. and Mrs. Kaulitz had gotten off to.

"Mmm." Tom groaned and Bill's hands touch bare skin.

"S-stop." Bill slurred but Tom was already tipping him back on the bed. Tom's mouth was like fire against his skin as he kissed a trail from Bill's neck down to Bill's stomach.

"Guh." Bill whimpered when he found that his pants were being removed as well as his underwear.

"Tom." Bill reached out blinding for the older boy. Tom caught Bill's hand and pressed a kiss to it as the sound of a belt buckle was heard.

"Bill." Tom returned as he ran his hands up and down Bill's slender legs.

"No." Bill tried again. Bill struggled to sit up but his stomach muscles were so weak that he just fell back on the bed again. Bill's stomach had not stopped churning since the party and the boy whimpered in pain.

"Yes." Tom returned, lying his weight down on Bill and the boy had never felt so dominated.

"N-no… Tom." Bill cannot even see straight and he waved his arm in the air searching for the older boy.

"Mmm." Tom's hands were now circling around Bill's groin area and the boy's stomach flipped once more.

"I don't feel…" Bill tried as his stomach flipped again. Bill could feel Tom's length pressing against his leg and the boy shivered.

"I don't feel…" Bill's throat closed as his stomach lurched. The room was spinning violently now and Bill turned a little green in the face.

"I don't feel so good." Bill gasped before he shoved Tom off of him and hurled. Everything Bill's stomach worked its way up and out. Vomit landed on Bill's shaking legs and onto the bed in which they sat. The action burned Bill's throat but at the same time seemed to alleviate the pounding in Bill's head. Then the boy was flopping backwards onto the bed as he passed out.

The last thing Bill could hear was Tom's angry voice shouting out, "Fuck!"


	7. Chapter 7

_Bill is fourteen when he finally tells Tom_

“I’m close.” Tom panted, dragging his hips backwards before slamming forwards again. Bill released a choked sob and clung to Tom’s shoulders. The young boy took everything that his older lover was giving him and spread his legs wider to accommodate Tom between them.

Tom’s eyes were slightly unfocused as he stared down at Bill’s face while continuing to fuck him at a torturous pace. The heat between them was almost unbearable and had Bill turning his head to the side, gasping for fresh air. Tom’s frame was everywhere over Bill and it drove Tom wild that he could physically dominate Bill in such a manner.

Summer was quickly drawing to a close but Bill did not fear its end. In fact, such knowledge had Bill bursting with joy at the thought of becoming a freshman in the fall. Tom would be a senior, and while logically Bill knew that such a class difference would not allow him any classes with Tom, Bill cannot help but hope it will earn him more time with Tom. Bill was finally a higher schooler, a title that he’d been lusting after for as long as he could remember. Bill viewed turning fifteen as a true sign that he was finally becoming an adult. Bill viewed turning fifteen as finally being old enough to be deemed an equal in Tom’s eyes.

Tom gave another stifled moan as his pace increased. Tom’s hands were gripping the pale skin of Bill’s legs so tightly that each of his fingers left a bruise. Tom was a rough lover but Bill didn’t mind the slight limp or doting of bruises he had after each encounter. Bill delighted in the pain that Tom brought to his body, as it seemed to bring Tom pleasure in return. Tom’s hands were not leaving ugly bruises in Bill’s mind, but rather marks of ownership.

Ownership, the word had Bill’s heart fluttering. In so many ways Bill longed for Tom to be public about his claim over the boy. Tom had told Bill repeatedly that going public wouldn’t do them any good and only serve to separate them. Tom then guilted Bill by saying that he didn’t wish to lose Gustav as a friend. Telling your friend that you were fucking his younger brother would not be the best for maintaining such ties. Tom had also warned Bill that going public would probably send Mr. and Mrs. Trumper into a fit over the age difference. Bottom line, all of these things would lead to Bill and Tom being separated. Bill hadn’t brought up the topic in quite some time.

“Oh! Tom… I’m… fuck!” Bill squeezed his eyes shut as Tom had managed to make him come for a third time that night. Bill’s release was just a mere few spurts of semen before the boy’s body sagged with sated pleasure.

“Get ready.” Tom grunted, pressing a hot kiss to the boy’s mouth. Tom’s hands tightened their grip around Bill’s thighs and the fourteen year old recognized this as a sign that Tom was close. The boy lifted his hips, whimpering slightly as Tom continued to pound into his over stimulated body, and gave Tom’s girth a good hard clench.

The pressure and angle was enough to send Tom over the edge, as he came with an angry swear. Then Tom’s body, so much larger and stronger than Bill’s, was collapsing onto the boy’s. Bill listened as Tom’s breathing began to even out when he finally mustered up the courage to speak his mind. Bill had been thinking over uttering those three special words all summer. Now with the school year approaching and a good number of romps under his belt, Bill viewed this as the perfect time to finally tell Tom of his true feelings.

“Tom?” Bill whispered against the older boy’s temple. Tom sighed, something most others would interpret as annoyance, but Bill knew Tom better than that.

“Tom there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” Bill continued, bare-naked chest rising with each breath. Tom was still inside of the younger boy and Bill squirmed as he began to feel Tom’s release leaking out of him.

“I’ve thought it over for awhile now.” Bill bit his bottom lip and looked to Tom. The teen had his eyes closed but he was clearly listening and waiting for Bill to continue. “So I don’t want you to freak out when I say this. I really mean it, I do. You’re the only person- no! The only thing that I can even think about anymore.”

“Tom,” Bill took a breath as he gazed at the other, “I love you.”

Tom’s eyes shot open at that statement and he whirled around to send Bill an incredulous look. The older boy’s body was no longer warm and welcoming to Bill, as Tom pulled his sex free from the boy’s body. A soft pop was emitted into the room and Bill watched nervously as Tom began to redress.

“T-Tom?” Bill’s voice wavered. Tom did not turn to Bill as he yanked back on a t-shirt. The muscles in Tom’s shoulders tensed when Bill called his name again. “Tom? Aren’t you going to say anything?”

Still Tom did not answer and tears began to well in Bill’s eyes. The scene was all too familiar of when Bill had last confessed his feelings for Tom at the Trumper family picnic all those years ago. Just like last time, Tom still did not acknowledge Bill’s feelings as he prepared to leave.

“Tom, please!” Bill shouted not bothering to keep his voice down. Tom always made sure that the Kaulitz household was empty when he brought Bill around. The teen took every precaution to ensure that they wouldn’t get caught.

When Tom was finally dressed and he turned to look at the naked form of Bill Trumper in his bed. The boy’s eyes were wet with unshed tears and his translucent white skin was dotted with bruises. An especially large hickey that had taken on an angry purple color shown on the junction of Bill’s neck and shoulder caught Tom’s eye. The older boy smiled at how thoroughly debauched young Bill looked in that moment and deemed it a job well done.

It was Bill’s little sniveling noise that broke Tom of his thoughts. Bill really had begun to cry now, taking Tom’s silence as rejection, and the teen resisted the urge to scoff at such weakness. Bill had always been weaker than Tom, both physically and mentally. It only made it all the easier to manipulate the little boy to Tom’s every desire. The pair had become more adventurous in the bedroom, although Bill’s whining complaints on how everything hurt had limited them some.

“Tom!” Bill shouted again, tears streaming now his face. Tom finally turned to look Bill in the face and the boy smiled through his tears, “I love you.”

Tom stared at Bill oddly then, snatching his square-framed glasses off the bed and placing back on. The sun’s light reflected off the glass and Bill yet again could not see Tom’s eyes or his true nature. Tom then turned to leave Bill alone in that room, but not before casually tossing out there something that made Bill’s heart leap.

“I broke up with my girlfriend.” Tom stated simply before stepping into the doorway. His grip was firm on the door handle and Bill blinked as if in a daze, unsure if he heard right.

“You two broke up?” Bill said now staring at Tom as if he were a knight in shining armor. Tom’s eyes, hidden behind those glasses, narrowed at the disgusting sight.

“It was not for you if that’s what you’re thinking.” Tom’s tone was cold and slapped Bill from his dreamy state immediately, “I was growing tired of her and her lack of ability to perform adequately in the bedroom.”

“Oh.” Bill sagged with obvious disappointment. Tom’s face turned up in a horrible grin before he stepped out the door.

“Let’s hope that I don’t grow bored of you too.” Bill’s head snapped to attention at those words but Tom was already shutting the door behind him. Poor Bill was left alone in that room, on that cold bed in which Tom and he made love.

* * *

_Bill is fourteen right before he turns fifteen_

“Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Bill!” Mrs. Trumper sang, placing the cake in front of her youngest son. “Happy Birthday to you!”

Bill’s eyes lighted up at the massive pastry before him. It was a three-layer cake with a combination of strawberries and chocolate, topped off with a vanilla frosting, and decorated with fifteen colorful candles. The date is September 1st and it was on this day that Bill was finally turning fifteen.

The entire Trumper family, both immediate and distant, had gathered in the Trumper household as well as some friends. Bill rarely socialized with the other children in his grade, much to Mr. and Mrs. Trumper’s disappointment, but Georg and Tom had come over. Georg had grown taller over the summer but still somehow had managed to maintain his slim figure. Gustav had occasionally teased Georg that he must be watching his girlish figure all night long.

“Alright kiddo,” Mr. Trumper smiled getting the camera ready, “Make a wish.”

Bill paused and stared down at the fifteen candles flickering before him. Across the table Tom’s gaze was fixed on the boy but Bill doesn’t dare meet his gaze. Birthday wishes don’t work if told to another and Tom knew Bill too well. Bill feared that Tom would able to see right through him. Bill squeezed his eyes shut and blew out the candles as Mr. Trumper snapped a photo.

Bill wished for Tom to love him.

As the evening rolled on, some family members began to head out. There was the exchanging of ‘My, how tall you’ve gotten’ to the annoying ‘I can still remember back to when you were just a little baby’. Bill smiled for each of them before escorting them out the door. Bill harbored no real feelings for these people that he barely saw once a year.

“What a handsome young man you’ve grown up to be.” Grandma Trumper smiled, patting Bill’s cheek softly. “You must have all of the girls chasing after you in school. You look so much like your grandfather.”

Bill was unsure whether or not he should be offended by the grandfather comment but he smiled politely anyway. Then soon all that was left in the Trumper household was the Trumper family plus Georg and Tom. Gustav and Georg offered to help clean up the kitchen, leaving Bill alone with Tom in the dining room.

“What did you wish for?” Tom’s expression was mocking and Bill pushed the last bits of cake around his plate.

“I can’t tell you or it won’t come true.” Bill returned, blush creeping up his neck. Bill hated how transparent he could be around Tom sometimes; it was like the older boy could read him like a book.

“Fair enough.” Tom smirked, kicking Bill from under the table. The smile soon dropped from his face with his next words, “Why were you crying in the cafeteria the other day?”

“You saw that?” Bill’s voice turned bitter.

High school was not everything that Gustav had cracked it up to be, there was still so much that Bill had yet to learn. It seemed that Gustav ruled the school with his popularity in a way that Bill could have never imagined. Everywhere Bill went in the school, there were questions of if whether or not Bill was related to Gustav. The brothers certainly didn’t look alike and socially they were on other ends of the spectrum. Gustav was constantly surrounded by a group of people no matter where he went. Gustav was the big man on campus that got with the cheerleaders and had the underclassmen girls swooning after him. It got rather annoying during the first week of school when the girls in Bill’s class had asked why Bill had not mentioned that his brother was so hot before.

While Gustav flourished in high school, Bill’s social status remained pretty much the same. He still refused to talk with most students in his classes and ate by himself during lunch block. The Trumper family had continued their sessions with Dr. Franz to help Bill through these ‘tough and difficult times’. All Bill wanted was for everyone to stop fussing over him like he was some sort of child and to leave him alone.

Bill preferred being alone at lunch. It allowed him time to get a head start on his homework and didn’t require for him to talk with others. Everything had been running smoothly in the beginning of the year; that was up until the football team took notice. Bill was an easy target, he was weak and feminine in ways that a girl should be. It also did not help that Bill tended to sit by himself in the football bleachers drawing attention to the loser freshman that seemed to have no friends.

The particular group of boys that bullied Bill was a group of juniors that seemed to have a grudge against Gustav for some reason. Upon finding out whom Bill was, the bullying only increased. Bill had yet to even utter a word of this to Gustav, too ashamed to ask for the protection of his older brother.

The day that Tom saw Bill crying had been a particularly bad one. There was Bill, minding his own business, when the group of jocks had approached him. The bullying had started out like it normally did with the cutting words and laughter, but nothing physical. The group of bullies had never tired anything physical. However it seemed that particular day that the bullies had grown sick of Bill’s silence when they teased him. A tall boy that Bill recognized as a blocker had taken it one step further. The junior had shoved Bill while he was getting up to walk away and sent Bill tumbling down the bleachers. The bullies had only watched in dazed shock as Bill’s body continued to roll down the rows of metal before finally landing in the dirt below. Then they’d bolted, not even bothering to check if Bill was all right, too scared of being caught.

Bill had lain at the bleacher’s base for quite some time, not caring when he missed two of his classes. By the time lunch had rolled around, Bill had finally mustered the strength to stand up. Amazingly not a single bone was broken, however Bill would later discover that he had a concussion. The boy had then gone to cafeteria to get his lunch and mope in the usual corner that he always sat in, crying silently to not draw attention to himself.

“I heard what Mike, Dan, and Patrick did to you at the football field.” Tom said, making sure to keep his voice lower to not be heard from the kitchen. “Why didn’t you tell Gustav that you were being pushed around?”

“And embarrass him?” Bill hissed, “Gustav has enough on his plate as it is being senior year and all. The last thing he needs is to watch out for his loser little brother.”

“You could have severely hurt.” Tom’s eyes narrow in what appeared to be anger and Bill sighed.

“I’m fine.” Bill shrugged when Tom slammed his hand firmly down on the table.

“You could have been hurt and it was because of you selfishness that I missed calculus. I made sure that each one of those little fucks got what was coming to them. Do not endanger yourself like that again, Bill! Do you understand me?”

Bill picked up his head and finally met Tom’s gaze. There was a passion in Tom’s eyes that Bill had never seen before and he continued to stare at Tom in wonder. Tom’s face slowly fell back into the stoic look that he normally wore, as if realizing that he’d been too emotional. Bill found it quite funny but Tom was scooting up out of his chair to head towards the kitchen.

“Don’t be so foolish again.” Tom glared Bill down before disappearing to go help Gustav and Georg.

Bill could only stare at what was left of his birthday cake and hoped that whatever magical being out there that granted birthday wishes would grant his. After the knowledge that Tom had been worried for Bill and had beaten up those three guys. Bill hoped that his wish had already been granted.


	8. Chapter 8

_Bill is fifteen years old when Tom looks ridiculous_

It was October 31st, a date more commonly known in the United States as Halloween. Halloween is a day of spirits, darkness, and all things scary. It also just so happens to be Bill's favorite holiday. Christmas was bearable, but on Christmas Bill couldn't let loose. The boy delighted in being able to dress up as someone else, face hidden behind makeup or a mask, and not have to worry about being judged.

"Yo! Bill! Let's get going already!" A voice screamed up the stairs. Bill finished applying that last layer of eye shadow, before he was bounding down the stairs at full speed. Mrs. Trumper waited at the bottom, camera at hand, trying to coerce Gustav into taking a picture.

"Mom!" Gustav groaned, rolling his eyes. "We're going to be late!"

"Nonsense! The neighborhood stays lit up until twelve latest." Mrs. Trumper clucked as she grabbed Georg by the arm and positioned him next to Gustav.

Bill could not help but giggle. Bill was a freshman in high school now, it was the big league now and Bill considered himself very grown up. Bill had loads of homework just like Gustav and got into the high school football games for free! While Bill was a youth just about to experience high school, Gustav was an old-timer that was ready for college. As such, Mrs. Trumper was unaware that after only an hour of trick or treating, Gustav planned on dragging Bill along to a high school party. Georg had come over earlier and the three were to meet up with Tom later.

"He just doesn't want you to photograph him looking like an idiot." Bill snorted and Gustav whirled towards the stairs in anger.

"Yeah and what are you supposed to be?" Gustav demanded, gesturing at his younger brother. Bill was wearing his purple winter coat that he'd taped black wings made out of cardboard onto the back. The boy also wore a top hat adorned with little black wings as well.

Bill frowned at Gustav's comment and bared pointed plastic teeth at him. "Obviously I'm a vampire."

"What kind of vampire wears eye shadow?" Gustav laughed and Bill simply scowled.

"At least I'm not wearing my football uniform as a costume!"

"Enough! Can you two go at least five minutes without fighting?" Mrs. Trumper shook her head, "I should have prayed harder for girls."

"Mom!" Gustav and Bill both groaned.

* * *

After Mrs. Trumper had her fill of pictures for scrap booking, the trio decided to head out for trick or treating. Georg opened the door, about to step outside, when Gustav and Bill both cried out, "No!"

"What?" Georg frowned, turning to the two brothers in confusion.

"Don't go out there!" Bill warned, eyes wide.

"Bill what on earth are you talking-" Georg frowned as he pulled open the door once more.

"No seriously! Don't!" Gustav cried and Georg jumped with fright.

"What the hell is wrong with you two?" Georg demanded.

"We have to warn our Dad before we go out." Gustav explained, "You'll see. Bill go call Dad."

"Got it." Bill muttered, whipping out his cell phone. The boy's fingers flew over the keypad, "Hello? Hey Dad… yeah we're going out now… front door. Yeah right now. Okay. Okay bye."

Georg stared at the two in confusion as Gustav led the way out of the house.

"You see," Gustav sighed, pulling the front door shut, "Every year these assholes up the street always try to teepee our house. So my Dad decided this year to sit up on our roof with a bucket water and a megaphone to scare the dumbasses off."

"W-what?" Georg stuttered.

"Hi Dad!" Bill shrieked, waving up at the figure on the roof. The figure shifted a little before Mr. Trumper called down to his youngest son with aid for the megaphone.

"You boys be safe!" Mr. Trumper boomed and Georg winced.

"Will do." Gustav called back. "Come on Bill. Let's go get you your stupid candy."

"Yay!" Bill cheered, running off towards the neighbor's house. Georg could only raise an eyebrow at the heeled boots Bill had on.

"Dude your family is so weird." Georg shook his head and Gustav laughed.

"Tell me about it."

The trio was only half way down the street when they heard a girl's squeal and Mr. Trumper shouting into the megaphone.

"Got cha!" The poor girl had no doubt been dumped with water when mistaken for a prankster.

"What the hell man?"

"Opps. Sorry kids!"

* * *

"Tom!" Bill called, giggling like a little schoolgirl.

"Bill wait up!" Gustav huffed. He struggled to catch his breath as his little brother ran on ahead.

"Where does he get the energy?" Georg wheezed, falling in step along side Gustav. The two had chased behind Bill for the last three blocks as a candy-fueled Bill ran from house to house, little heels clacking in the darkness.

"Tom!" Bill screamed again, running through the front lawn. This was in fact the Kaulitz's house and Bill was giddy with excitement. Bill and Tom had an especially good romp last week and Bill was still in the afterglow of it… a full week later.

There are only a few lights on in the house but some more flicked on when Bill's loud voice drew closer. The boy ran straight up to the porch, shoving some younger kids out of the way, and banged furiously on the door.

"Tom!" Bill called again, banging once more on the door. Bill could see Tom approaching through the little glass window in the door but he continued to knock just in case. Tom yanked open the door with a little too much force and the younger kids crowding around Bill backed away in fear.

"Bill was that really necessary?" Tom sounded furious although his face was passive. Bill peeked over his shoulder to make sure that Gustav and Georg were a safe distance before Bill does something bold. Little Bill rose up on his toes as high as his heels would allow and planted a quick kiss to Tom's mouth. The kiss caught the elder off guard and Tom actually gasped in surprise.

"Ew." The youngsters around Bill chorused and the older boy turned to them snarling.

"Oh shut up and go to another house! There's no candy here." Round faces blinked up at Bill in shock and the dark haired boy bared his plastic teeth at them. Finally it worked as the children scatter, screaming for their mothers. Bill turned back to Tom, hoping for praise.

"You're being bad tonight." Tom chuckled and Bill batted his eyelashes up at the older boy. The boy opened his mouth, just about to respond, when Gustav called out behind them.

"Bill there you are! You little shit you've made Georg run that past three blocks!" Gustav fumed and Bill ducked behind Tom. Bill could feel Tom stiffen but he paid no mind. Bill knew that he was pushing it tonight, riding on that fine line where his touching could be seen as more, but Bill missed Tom's touch terribly.

Tom had been so kind as to come over every time Georg and Gustav had a football game and thoroughly debauch Bill each time. Such romps have left Bill sweaty and panting for more and it was driving the boy wild. Bill can't seem to get enough of Tom's touch no matter how much they do it. Bill felt sexy tonight with his black eye shadow and it was making him horny. Bill couldn't wait for the high school party, planning for Gustav and Georg to wander off drunk so Bill could have Tom all to himself. Given how Tom was eyeing Bill's legs in his short booty shorts, Tom had similar plans.

"Nice costumes." Tom nodded towards Georg and Gustav. The two looked down at their football uniforms when Bill suddenly realized that Tom looked absolutely ridiculous.

"Tom!" Bill gasped in horror. The boy feigned disgust and winced away from the ugly polo shirt Tom was wearing paired with some Tommy Bahama shorts. "What are you wearing?"

"A costume."

"That is not a costume!" Bill shrieked and Gustav slapped his brother upside the head for being so loud.

"Dude you look like you should be working at a country club or something." Georg laughed.

"It's my costume." Tom said again, not fazed at all by his friend's jeering. "I'm preppy."

"You look gay." Gustav joined in laughing as well and Tom simply adjusted his glasses in annoyance at how immature his friends could be at times.

Gustav and Georg suggested heading over to the party and Bill whined about not getting enough candy. A few more jokes about Tom's 'costume' were made as the group headed off for the night. No one seeming to notice the sly look Bill sent Tom.

* * *

_Bill is fifteen when he meets Andrej Pejic again_

As the night had progressed, the sky had become dark and full of stars. Many of the younger children had returned home with parents after a long night of trick or treating as the night had been turned over to the teenagers now. Cars drove like bats out of hell through the neighborhood, packed full with teens, as they all headed towards the largest house at the end of the street. The house was all lit up with hanging lanterns and a smoke machine. A multitude of bodies could be seen dancing through the windows as a loud muffled beat shook the entire house. This was the party that Gustav had been talking about earlier and the boys' pace picked up as the music got louder.

"Dude this is awesome!" Georg cried, fist pumping in the air.

"The whole fucking school must be here." Gustav grinned, eyes filled with excitement for the ultimate blowout that he's sure this party will provide. There's no doubt alcohol and maybe a few lines of cocaine are hidden within this house.

"I'm going to get so fucking smashed." Tom added in and Gustav cheered.

"Fucking cool." Bill piped up, foul language as means for the youngster feel included. Gustav doesn't even spare his little brother as second glance as he raced over towards the rest of the football team that had just pulled up. Some girls ran by in costumes that looked more like lingerie and Bill clung to Tom a little tighter.

"We'll use the front door." Tom whispered, watching as Georg wriggled through an open window.

"Aww and I wanted to climb down the chimney." Bill grinned cheekily and Tom squeezed Bill's hand in his. They approached the front door and Bill laughed when Tom actually rung the doorbell.

"Tom!" Bill squealed, smacking the teen on his arm. "Like anyone's going to answer."

Tom ignored Bill's little jabs to his arm and the boy frowned, immediately stopping his actions. The teen seemed a little on edge tonight and Bill doesn't know if it's because of him or something else. It was so hard to tell with Tom, he was always so fucking unreadable. Finally after a few moments the front door was yanked open.

"Andrej?" Bill jumped at the sight of his classmate. Andrej was dressed up as a pirate complete with an eye patch and a sword. The other fifteen year old turned to Bill in surprise and then glared up at Tom. The look on Andrej's face was almost… accusing.

Bill frowned, looking from Andrej to Tom, thoroughly confused at the exchange that was happening. Tom's eyes were narrowed, communicating something to Andrej that Bill did not understand, body rigid. Andrej twitched ever so slightly before he was inviting the pair in. Bill stomped his foot not liking feeling left out.

"Andrej," Bill spoke up to be heard over the music, "Pardon my French, but what the fuck are you doing here?"

"I live here." Andrej glared back, "You come to a party and you don't even know whose house it is?" Bill's face burned in embarrassment.

"It's Igor Pejic's party." Tom informed Bill, "Surely you knew that Andrej has an older brother."

"O-of course!" Bill crossed his arms over his chest and looked away. Andrej simply rolled his eyes before looking to Tom oddly.

"I gotta go." Andrej's blue eyes were trained on Tom's face, "I'll see you next week?"

"Yeah." Tom cleared his throat and Bill's head snapped back to attention. This was an extremely awkward situation and it was starting to piss Bill off.

"How the fuck to you two know each other?" Bill spat.

"He's my math tutor." Andrej responded not even blinking.

"Igor mentioned to me that his brother was struggling with math. I've been tutoring Andrej for the past year now." Tom shrugged. Tom was acting strangely but Bill couldn't pass up an opportunity to show Andrej up.

"Ha! Andrej Pejic needs a tutor? Wow Andrej who would have thought? Guess you're not as smart as you lead everyone on to think." Bill sneered, eyes glittering with triumph. However Bill's victory was cut short.

"Andrej is very smart. He just needs some fine tuning." Tom interjected and Bill turned to Tom accusingly. Why was Tom standing up for Andrej?

"T-Tom." Bill stuttered and now it was Andrej's turn to crow.

"See you in school Bill." Andrej smiled, eyes flashing as he disappeared into the chaos that was the party.

* * *

_Bill is fifteen when he accuses Tom_

"What the fuck was that?" Bill sneered, kicking closed the door behind him. Now Tom and Bill were shut off from the party outside in one of the guest rooms of the Pejic household.

Tom sat down on the bed and stared at Bill blankly.

"I don't know what you're referring to."

"Don't give me that!" Bill shouted, rearing around to point an accusing finger at Tom's chest. "Why the fuck do you know him?"

"I already told you that I'm his tutor for math."

"I don't believe you! I saw the way he was looking at you! I'm not dumb, Tom!" Bill shrieked. Out of an act of rage, he kicked over a nearby trashcan.

"I never accused you of such." Tom sighed, bringing up a hand to run over his face. The teen looked tired but Bill was not done with him just yet.

"Don't lie to me!" Bill screamed particularly loud and annoyance flashed in Tom's eyes.

"Why don't you just shut up?" Tom snarled, actually had a real human reaction, and Bill fell back onto his rear. He stared up at Tom in fear. Bill had never seen Tom so angry or emotional.

"T-Tom." Bill whimpered but Tom shook his head.

"You're not my boyfriend or whatever the fuck you think you are! We're not exclusive Bill and quite frankly you're a bit young for me." Tom thundered and Bill gaped up at the teen. "I'm already fucking told you that I'm just his tutor so drop it! Stop being so fucking juvenile about everything."

"Fucking grow up already." Tom spat before yanking open the bedroom door. Bill crawled across the floor and grabbed onto Tom's leg.

"Wait!" Bill wailed, eyes brimming with tears, "Where are you going?"

Tom did not respond. Out of character emotions falling back to the stoic expression that Tom normally wore. Tom had turned cold again. Even after all of the effort Bill put into warming Tom up and he'd reverted back to coldness. Bill whimpered when Tom tried to shake the boy from his leg.

"Bill let go." There was no anger in Tom's voice. Tom had become robotic once more and Bill sobbed.

"No, no." Bill shook his head, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! Please Tom! I love you!"

Tom glanced down at Bill as if he were a bug stuck to a windshield. Then the teen gave Bill's head rough shove and pulled his leg free.

"Fucking grow up." Tom snarled before slamming the bedroom door behind him.

Bill sat in the middle of the floor, one arm outstretched towards where Tom had been standing a few moments ago, with an expression as if he'd been slapped. Tears were streaming down Bill's face and the boy curled in on himself. The only thing going across Bill's mind in that moment was devising a new plan to grow up even faster.

What really sat on the floor, crying and by itself, in the Pejic household was not Bill. It was a vulnerable little boy that had been manipulated by a man four years his senior and was floundering desperately to grow up too fast. A sad sight indeed.


	9. Chapter 9

__

Bill is sixteen when he begins to get suspicious

"Get up to speed." Tom muttered. The nineteen year old advised, legs crossed comfortably from where he sat in the passenger seat, head resting against the window.

Bill muttered something about being bossy and gripped the wheel tighter.

"I am up to speed! I'm exactly at the speed limit." Bill scowled. The teen's entire body was tense, fear evident, as the pair cruised slowly down a side road.

"You'll get pulled over for being a hazard. Get up to thirty at least." Tom reached out as if to grab the wheel and the entire car swerved when Bill jerked away. "Jesus Christ! Keep your hands steady!"

"You can't just grab at the wheel like that!" Bill whined, knuckles turning white from his grip. "Or else I'll crash."

"You need to relax. Pull over and let me drive." Tom insisted but Bill shook his head furiously.

Time was always an annoying factor in both Bill and Tom's lives. So much had happened over the years that the pair had been 'together'. Bill had practically grown up knowing this sick twisted relationship that the two of them carried out, he could not imagine life without Tom. At times the age gap would vary between Tom being only three years older than Bill to being four years older. Bill enjoyed the few months that Tom was only three years older as it made Bill fell less guilty. Tom was currently a freshman in college while Bill was still a sophomore stuck in high school.

Senior graduation had been painful for Bill. Especially as he said goodbye to Georg and Gustav as they went off to study in different parts of the country. Tom however had stayed local and was going to Rutgers, allowing him to see Bill within a matter of an hour or so. The teen frequently came back to visit his parents and Bill took the opportunity to stay in contact.

Bill Trumper was no fool.

Being sixteen and no longer the foolish young boy that he once was, Bill understood things better in the world now. Bill realized that Tom's attraction to a younger boy like him was odd especially since Tom had never even admitted to loving Bill. Bill was always the one in the relationship to say those three special words while Tom would simply act as if he hadn't heard. Bill was starting to bring up once again the question of whether or nor he was finally old enough for him and Tom to be an official item. Tom had continued to brush Bill off.

Tom was starting to go off to wild college dorm parties while Bill was stuck in high school. Bill could not help but feel so much older and wiser than his classmates and it left Bill feeling trapped. The Trumpers continued their sessions with Dr. Franz as Bill explained these pented up feeling of frustration and anxiety. Bill wanted out of high school and he wanted it now. Bill wanted to be in college at all of the cool parties along side Tom and not be stuck at home with homework.

The sessions and anti-depressants had helped as Bill's teachers and the Trumper's witnessed a miraculous turnaround in Bill's attitude and grades. However Mr. and Mrs. Trumper were still not convinced. They worried about their youngest son's lack of a social life and how he spent most of his Friday nights at home, obsessively texting God knows who. It seemed Bill still preferred to keep to himself.

"We need to head back soon." Tom readjusted his glasses.

"But I'm not finished practicing yet! I still can't parallel park and if I can't parallel park, I'm going to fail!" Bill pouted and Tom studied the teen. Bill was no longer in an awkward stage and was quickly transforming into quite the beauty to behold. Bill had grown his hair out longer and made makeup a daily part of his routine. He was quite the prize to have hanging off one's arm although Tom didn't like the fact that Bill was now taller. To compensate, Bill made a point of hunching more.

"You're going to pass, Bill." Tom said without a doubt and Bill began to head back towards the Kaulitz's house. The digital clock in the car read 6:00.

"Where..." Bill trailed off and blushed when Tom looked at him curiously. The man's eyes beckoned for Bill to continue though his face remained passive. Some things never would change.

"Where do you go everyday at six?" Bill gnawed on his bottom lip as he pulled into the Kaulitz's driveway.

Tom had been home on break for two weeks now and he always found some excuse to disappear at around six. Tom didn't have a job and the Kaulitzs normally didn't eat until eight at night anyways.

"I tutor a few kids in the area online." Tom doesn't meet Bill's eye and it's unsettling.

"Oh? You're not working at the campus coffee shop anymore?" Bill raises an eyebrow, yanking the key from the car and killing the engine.

"I better go. The students are probably already logged on." Tom got up quickly and Bill watched the man curiously.

"Okay... I guess I'll walk home then." Bill cleared his throat but Tom was focused on adjusting his belt.

"Yeah that'd be great. Thanks." Tom said, hand out for the car keys and Bill grudging handed them over.

"Okay then..." Bill bit his lip. The two stared at each other in awkward silence.

"Look I really gotta go, Bill. Text me." Tom glanced at his watch before he set off for his house. Bill waited until Tom shut the front door behind him and then began the short walk home.

Tom had been acting strange lately. Bill wasn't quite sure what it could be. He knew it wasn't drugs, Tom worried far too much about his grades for that. Bill knew Tom wasn't cheating on him with someone from college, Tom was so straightforward that he would have told Bill anyways. Tom almost seemed like he didn't want to look at Bill given how he avoided eye contact.

A sudden thought stopped Bill's heart short and he glanced back to the Kaulitz house in worry. Maybe Tom didn't find Bill attractive anymore. It was entirely possibly since Tom came onto him when he was only a child. Bill paled a bit and began rushing back to his house. Maybe Tom only found younger boys attractive, younger boys with soft bodies, younger boys that weren't now taller than Tom, jailbait.

"Oh my god." Bill whispered, long legs propelling him along the sidewalk at an alarming pace. Everything inside of Bill squirmed unpleasantly and the teen felt as if he was going to be sick.

Of course, it all made sense now. Bill no longer had a child's body. While underweight for his age, Bill was clearly turning into a young man what with his narrowed face and increasing height. Bill's skin was no longer as soft and plump as it had been when he was fourteen. His shoulders had broadened and his voice had deepened.

Bill's feet drew to a stop just in front of his house. What if Tom was disgusted by Bill? What if this was that last time Tom ever came home for a visit from college?

Bill quickly spun around on his heel and took off for Tom's house once more. Heart racing with worry and anxiety. Bill would make this right. He'd try harder to be more appealing to Tom and let Tom dominate their relationship even more. The teen's sneakers slapped on the pavement as Tom's car came into view.

Bill would fix this. He'd make things right and win Tom's affections back.

* * *

 __

Bill is sixteen when Tom breaks his heart

Bill raced back up the Kaulitz's driveway and cut through the grass that Mrs. Kaulitz had yelled at him so many times before not to step on.

Tom had left the front dour unlocked and Bill made his way inside. Shutting the door behind him and racing up the stairs towards Tom's room.

"Tom!" Bill called. Tom's room was at the end of the hallway and Bill quickened his steps. The house was suspiciously quite and Bill decided to try again.

"Tom?" Bill came to a stop in front of the bedroom door and rapped his knuckled softly on the painted wood. "Tomi?"

There was some rustling noises coming from behind the door and Bill frowned, knocking once more. When Tom didn't answer Bill tried the doorknob only to find that the door was locked.

"Tom? Are you in there?" The sounds of moving thudded on the carpet before Tom's voice replied half-shocked.

"Bill? What are you doing here?"

"I want to talk to you. Open the door." Bill tried the handle once more but it was still locked. "What are you doing in there?"

"I just got out of the shower."

"Then in that case open the door. I'll help dry you off." Bill purred and there were some more rustling noises. "Tom, open the door now."

"I will! Just hang... hang on a second." Tom could be heard moving around the room and just as Bill was about to knock again, the door opened.

"Hey." Tom greeted, cheeks slightly flushed and dressed only in flannel bottoms. Bill smiled at the sight of Tom's naked chest and he shoved his way inside.

All seemed in place in Tom's room and Bill relaxed a little, suspicion fading.

"Your hair's not wet." Bill titled his head to the side in confusion and Tom reached up to feel his hair.

"I only showered my body." The man shrugged and flopped down on his bed. "Why are you here?"

"Oh." Bill's cheeks flushed and he lowered his gaze to his feet. "I had a question."

"And it was so urgent that you had to come over to ask it?" Tom's eyes narrowed and Bill flinched.

"It's important." Bill muttered, all courage flying out the window with Tom's cold gaze. "Where are your glasses?"

"Took 'em off." Tom answered simply, "Bill, why are you here?"

"I wanted to know..."

"To know?"

"Well you see, lately I feel like you don't like me that much. I feel as if you find me annoying or ugly or something. So I started thinking about why and then I realized it. I don't really look like a kid anymore and I guess that's what you like. But I'm going to change! I'll start slouching more so you can be taller and we can have sex whenever you want to now. I'm going to start waxing all over now, not just down there, but on my arms and legs and stuff so I'll be smoother. And I can even start growing my hair even longer since I know you like long hair!"

By the time Bill was finished, he was panting. His arms dropped to his sides as Tom watched Bill from where he was reclined on the bed.

"And so basically," Bill finished coyly, "I wanted to know if you still find me attractive or not. I love you Tom. I can change myself and be whatever you want me to be."

Tom rose up with those words and approached Bill. He no longer physically towered over Bill like he used to but Bill felt dwarfed. The teen's knees locked as he looked up into Tom's steady hazel eyes and gasped when Tom cupped his face.

"You really love me huh?" Tom held Bill's gaze and Bill felt his eyes water. The teen sniffed softly and nodded his head.

"I love you so much. I'd die for you if that's what you want." Bill nudged his nose against Tom's and sighed contentedly.

Tom didn't answer Bill on that one except for slowly bringing their faces together. Bill could feel the pure heat radiating from Tom's body and he sighed as their mouths melded together. Hot breaths intermixed with licking tongues and saliva gathered between the two. Bill hummed, wrapping his arms around Tom's neck, and pressed their bodies together.

"Take me to the bed." Bill whispered in Tom's ear, eyes hooded. Tom grumbled in agreement and began to steer them backwards until Tom was pulling Bill atop him on the bed.

The dark haired teen straddled the elder as their mouths continued to meet and arousal started in their groins. However such an intimate moment was soon cut short when Bill heard a soft bump in the closet.

"What was that?" Bill turned around and looked the closet directly across the foot of the bed.

"It was nothing." Tom said, hands urging Bill's face back. Bill shook his head free of Tom's hands and continued to glance curiously at the closet.

"I swore I heard something. It startled me." Bill shook his head, rising up off Tom's lap and Tom's hands grabbed hold of him.

"It was nothing. Come back to bed with me." Tom insisted but Bill was dead-set now.

"No, what was that? I definitely heard something." Bill shook his head and started for the closet. Tom continued to lay on the bed, back rigid and voice spread thin.

"Bill." Tom pleaded as the teen stopped in font of the closet door. Bill could hear the slightest bit of movement and then he was yanking open the door.

"Bill."

"Holy shit!"

The sight of Andrej Pejic, half naked and in Tom Kaulitz's closet, had Bill's head reeling. A series of red hickies dotted down Andrej's chest and Bill immediately thought to Tom's flushed cheeks and lack of shirt. The dark haired teen gaped like a fish as Andrej looked equally as guilty back at Bill. The blonde's eyes darted to Tom and Bill whirled around in anger.

"What the fuck is he doing here?" Bill demanded, stepping towards Tom. The man's mouth was open in shock and Bill snarled.

"What's he doing here, Tom?"

"Tom's my math tutor." Andrej chipped in and Bill sent the blonde a glare.

"I didn't ask you." Bill sneered before turning back to Tom.

"Tom!" Bill shouted and Tom blinked while Andrej flinched. "What the fuck is he doing here?"

"I'm his math tutor?" Tom finished off weakly and Bill's heart sank.

"Then why's he naked in your closet?" Tears began to roll down Bill's face. "Why Tom?"

"I think we both know why." Tom answered softly and Bill retracted as if he'd been slapped.

"I loved you though. I gave you everything Tom. Everything!" Bill shouted through his tears but Tom would not meet his eye.

"I'm going home." Bill whispered, wiping at his tears. Tom's brow creased and he reached out a hand as if to stop Bill.

"Don't even!" Bill cried, shoving Tom away. "I don't even want to hear the shitty lies that you'll try to tell."

"Bill." Tom said softly. The smallest glimmers flickered in Tom's eye as if were fighting off crying. Bill knew better now not to hope for the impossible. It was impossible for Tom to love... well at least him as far he knew.

"And you!" Bill whirled around to point a finger at the boy in the closet, "I always knew you were a whore! That's all you are, a dirty man-snatching whore! I hope you rot in Hell for what you've done."

"E-excuse me?" Andrej bawked, pented anger building.

"Bill, please." Tom tried again. This time successfully grabbing hold of Bill's arm. "Don't do this."

"Don't touch me Tom." Bill whispered coldly, pulling his arm free. "I never should have trusted you."

And then with that Bill Trumper summoned the courage to turn his heel and walk away from that place.

The teen left a wake behind him but with a strange sense of liberation.


	10. Chapter 10

__

Bill is seventeen when he ignores Tom's calls

A full year had passed since the incident. Bill had become a junior in high school as his birthday had passed once again. The tern didn't socialize, he didn't go out to party. All Bill did was go to school and then come home to do homework so he could lock himself up in his room.

Bill's antisocial behavior had always concerned the Trumpers but even they could sense something had happened. Bill no longer smiled like he used to, he didn't as much time with his appearance, and Bill was violently competitive when it came to grades. He'd sit at his desk all night until his eyes were red, muttering and cursing something about an andrej. What was an andrej?

Bill lied on his bed and watched as it rained outside, counting the individual droplets that fell down the screen.

Bill sighed as his phone went off in his hand. The caller ID name had been deleted long ago but Bill knew that number by heart.

"Go away Tom." Bill sighed, clicking off his phone. The teen lay there some more and pressed his face into his comforter.

Tom had been calling the last few weeks after running into Gustav. Gustav had mentioned that Bill seemed broken somehow, much to Bill's anger when he heard afterwards, and asked if Tom knew anything. Tom had been sending Bill texts and called him once a week always on a Tuesday.

The phone chirped to announce a new voice message had been left and Bill's hand tightened around the phone.

Being a teenager sucked.

* * *

 __

Bill is eighteen when he sees Tom again

"... and as we watch our beloved seniors crossed the bridge today, I ask to remember back to a time when they too were only freshman. This class has given our school a great deal of fond memories and I'm sure..."

Bill tuned out the principal as she continued to twitter on and on. She stood at the front podium, facing the sea of parents with cameras, as the senior class sat behind her in their graduation gowns. The gowns were forest green and white, the school's colors, and Bill pulled at his collar some.

Bill could see his parents sitting the audience along with Gustav, smiling faces staring intently at Bill. Bill looked away and frowned. The reception was being held outside but the sky was starting to cloud up overhead. Thick grey clouds rolled across the sky but the principal continued on.

"Lizzie Middleford." The principal called and Lizzie sprang from her seat, golden curls trembling.

"Lizzie is a scholar athlete that has run track all four years here and acted as president of our green energy club..." Lizzie took her diploma and shook the principal's hand before joining the rest of the students on the other side of the bridge.

The names continued onwards, thinning out as they reached the end of the alphabet.

"Bill Kaulitz." The principal called as the audience continued to clap. "Bill is one of our brightest students, who scored..."

The teen stood up and began to make his way towards the stage when he spotted a familiar face in the crowd. Tom Kaulitz, dressed in a sweatshirt and jeans, made his way through the crowds of people to sit down besides Gustav. The two bumped fists and Bill quickened his pace towards the bridge.

"Congratulations Bill." The principal smiled and Bill pumped her hand furiously.

"Yeah thanks." Bill ducked his head and quickly went to join his class.

The reception only lasted for a few more students before those ominous clouds overhead began to break open with rain. Thick fat droplets, cold as ice, poured down on the merry celebration as parents and students alike ran to take shelter in the school. During the great rush to get indoors, Tom had managed to make his way over to Bill.

“Hey.” A voice startled Bill and the teen pushed his graduation hat out of his eyes. Bill’s face paled upon seeing Tom and the elder stiffened in surprise.

“What,” Bill swallowed, “Are you doing here?”

“Gustav invited me.” Tom shrugged. “This is a public event after all.”

“Fuck off.” Bill hissed, the venom in his voice startling even him. Tom’s eyes narrowed and the man grabbed Bill by the arm.

“I came here to apologize, Bill.” Tom lowered his voice as the last stragglers ran inside. The graduation ceremony grounds were empty now as the rain truly began to come down.

“I don’t want your apology.” Bill snapped, pulling out of Tom’s grasp. “I’ve moved on. That means nothing to me now.”

“Then why are you so upset that I’m here? Bill, I’m telling you that I’m sorry.”

“Sorry isn’t good enough! It’s not good enough anymore Tom.” Bill shook his head.

“Come on, you don’t mean that.” Tom reached for Bill again but the teen danced out of the way.

“Bill.” Tom frowned, reaching again. Bill evaded Tom’s arms once more and irritation ran across Tom’s face. The man tried once more in a violent lunge and Bill’s eyes widened. “Come here.”

“No.” Bill cried, spinning round and backing up.

“Bill,” Tom said, “I’m trying to apologize. Come here now.”

“You can’t order me around anymore!” Bill shrieked as thunder clapped overhead. Tom was unsure if the water streaming down Bill’s face was the rain or tears.

“This is ridiculous.” Tom scoffed as he tried to grab Bill once more. When he failed, Tom’s face darkened. Bill paused only for a moment before the teen was breaking into a run, gown fluttering as he distanced himself from Tom.

“Bill!” Tom cried, “Bill get back here!”

The dark haired teen continued to run and Tom cursed, pausing only for a moment, before he too was running after the teen.

* * *

 __

Bill is eighteen years old when he tells Tom he hates him

It was raining outside.

It was raining outside as a raven-haired boy in a graduation gown ran across an empty school campus. Most of the population was indoors for such weather or attending the graduation that had to be moved inside. Bill Trumper is the raven-haired boy foolish enough to be out in such weather. Lightening cracked overhead and while Bill was scared, his feet continued running to a destination that even he was unsure about.

All Bill could think about was that he needed to get out of there. All Bill could think about was how much his pride has been hurt. All Bill could think about was damn Tom Kaulitz.

Bill stepped in a puddle that caused a large amount of water to stain his dark green gown. Lightening cracked again overhead and Bill's graduation cap fell off as a voice called after him.

"Bill!" The faint voice of Tom Kaulitz called after him. Bill was panting from exertion now, but his pace did not slow even when his legs burned.

"Bill!" Tom called again and Bill sobbed. The rain had done a good job of hiding his tears up to this point.

"Fuck off!" Bill's scream echoed throughout the stone buildings of the campus. Still the pounding of feet on pavement pursued Bill and only seemed to pick up with speed.

The front part of Bill's shoe caught on an uneven cobblestone and he was spent falling. He landed in a huge puddle, totally soaking his gown now, when Tom finally caught up to him.

"Bill." Tom said again putting a hand on the boy's shoulder, which was quickly slapped away.

"Get away from me." Bill muttered, staring down at his reflection in the puddle in which he kneeled.

"Bill." Tom said simply again and it annoyed the boy to no end.

"Fuck off! You shouldn't be here! You shouldn't have come! How dare you!" Bill gritted his teeth together before standing up on his own.

He tipped his chin up so that he could stare at the other down the bridge of his nose.

"Tom Kaulitz, I hate you!"

* * *

 __

Bill is eighteen when he tries to commit suicide

“I loved you.” Bill shouted, wet hair matted to his face. Tom’s outfit was not fairing much better as the man looked like a drowned rat, black corn rows sopping wet.

“Bill, don’t do this.”

“Fuck you!” Bill shrieked again, “No, you know what? Fuck Andrej. I always knew that you had something for him ever since Igor’s Halloween party, but never, never, would I think that you were fucking him behind my back!”

“I was not!” Tom shouted and Bill laughed. The response caught Tom off guard slightly. Where was the meek little Bill that was so easily controlled? Who was this seething drowned beauty before Tom? It seemed within the last few years Bill had done some growing up. Bill was no longer dependent on Tom and it unsettled the elder of the two.

“The least you could do was not lie to me.” Bill’s eyes jumped oddly just then as his breathing picked up. “Oh my god… shit.”

“Bill?” Tom took a step towards the teen.

“Don’t!” Bill held up a hand as his breathing rate increased, “Don’t come any closer.”

“I loved you.” Bill’s face broke down in that moment and then teen picked up his head to look off over his shoulder. Tom’s vision followed the teen’s sight to the school bridge than ran over the river. It was a substantial body of water, not a creek or stream, but a deep with river with a current heavy enough to carry larger boats. It fed right out to the ocean and Tom’s brow creased in worry.

“Bill.” Tom said slowly.

“What is the point of living when your boyfriend is screwing some else behind your back?” Bill laughed bitterly. “But Jesus! That’s not even correct! I’m not even your boyfriend, you made damn sure of that, I’m just your quick fuck. Your fucking friend with fucking benefits.”

“Bill, stop this. You’re… you’re more than that to me.” Tom’s hands clenched nervously at his side.

“I’m going… I’m going to…” Bill paused and pulled at his hair. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

When the teen looked up again, he wore the soft wounded face that Tom was so used to dealing with. Bill Trumper had been neglecting his anti-depressants, not using consistently and doubling up on dosages to make up for skipped days. The teen had not encountered an emotionally taxing event such as this in a while and Bill’s system didn’t know how to cope.

“I loved you. I still love you. I know I should hate you but… it’s so hard. It’s so hard to hate you when all I still love you.” Bill shook his head, “I can’t keep doing this.”

“Bill I’m sorry. I-” Tom tried but Bill cut him off.

“Even if you take me back, even if I want you to take me back, I can’t keep living like this. Playing this little game of cat of mouse where I have to earn your affections but get nothing to show for it. I can’t Tom.”

“Bill.” Tom said as Bill’s eyes darted to the bridge once more.

“I’m done.” Bill said simply and Tom’s heart stopped in that moment. A numbness overtook Tom’s body for a few seconds as Bill spun around and broke into a full out run towards the bridge.

He was going to do it. Bill was actually going to jump off bridge. If the height of the jump didn’t kill Bill, the strong current sure would. Thunder cracked overhead once more and Tom shook himself of his stupor. Even he was not that cold hearted.

“Bill!” Tom shouted, racing after the teen. Tom was fast but Bill had the advantage of a head start. “Bill! Bill stop! Stop!”

The teen did not answer as he continued straight on his course and if Tom’s cold manner had not faded away before, it definitely did now. The man broke out into a full run, quickly gaining on the teen, just as Bill reached the bridge’s edge. Tom wasn’t going to make it.

“Bill no! Stop! Bill!” Tom called as Bill’s form stopped at the bridge’s edge. It was almost as if Bill was reconsidering as he leaned curiously over the railing and Tom pushed his body faster than he’d ever ran before.

Bill reached a shaking white hand out towards the railing and stepped onto the edge, lithe body maneuvering through the safety rails. Tom’s panicked shouts were faint to Bill’s ears as his vision tunneled down to the crashing waters below. The rain had allowed the river’s level to rise far higher than normal and the shift storm winds had encouraged the currents faster, racing towards the ocean in a frenzied mess.

“S-shit.” Bill whispered as he leaned out, hands grasping the railing behind him. A sharp prick of blood surged through Bill’s body in that moment as he leaned his entire frame out over the water, his feet on the ledge and hands on the railing the only thing keeping him from falling. The ledge was wet beneath Bill’s shoes and he shifted his weight to adjust himself. Unfortunately the shift was enough for Bill to lose his balance and the teen slipped, hands shooting out to grasp something, as he fell.

* * *

 __

Bill is eighteen when Tom saves him

Bill screamed as he fell, the resistance not to die taking over, and with a stroke of luck his hands found purchase on the ledge. Bill’s shoulders were yanked from their sockets as his body came to a stop and the teen looked down nervously at the waters below.

Bill couldn’t die. Bill didn’t want to die. Bill didn’t want to never be able to see his mother or father or Gustav. Bill didn’t want his life to end so abruptly before he could go out and see the world. Bill didn’t want to die.

“Tom!” Bill shrieked. He could only hold on for so long and Bill’s fingers were already starting to protest at the amount of weight they were forced to supports. Rain droplets hit Bill in the eye and he shook his head furiously to rid himself of them.

Wet fingers began to slip along the metal and Bill screamed again in fear as he felt his hold weakening.

“Tom!” Bill shrieked at the top of his lungs, eyes squeezed shut.

“Bill!” Tom’s voice shouted, suddenly closer than Bill had remembered it being.

The man’s hands shot out to grab the teen by the arms and yanked Bill’s body up and over the railing. The sensation made Bill’s head spin as his body went into shock and the teen trembled against Tom’s form. Tom’s arms formed a protective shield around him, muscles holding him close, as Bill’s wide eyes turned to the elder.

“Fuck.” Tom panted, slightly out of breath. He threw his head back and coughed slightly before looking down to Bill’s shocked face. “Fuck.”

“W-what?” Bill trembled, “You… you saved me.”

“Please,” Tom said pressing his forehead to Bill’s, “Please forgive me. Please Bill.”

“I…” Bill’s eyes darted around as his mind drew a blank, “You saved me.”

“Andrej meant nothing, is nothing to me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Tom panted, shaking his head. Bill let himself he held against Tom’s chest and listened quietly to Tom’s rapidly beating heart. The rain still poured down on the pair, both now drenched, and the thunder keeping their conversation from carrying.

“Then tell me.” Bill whispered.

“What?”

“Tell me what I’ve always wanted to hear from you. Tell me how much I mean to you if Andrej really is nothing.” Bill’s lips moved against Tom’s damp shirt. “I love you so much Tom. Please.”

“I love you.” Tom said without hesitation and Bill’s heart swelled. Tom was not simply repeating the words but rather was saying them with a passion. With an intensity that let Bill know that Tom really meant them. Bill couldn’t believe that those words had actually left Tom’s mouth.

“Tom.” Bill whimpered and Tom leaned down to seal their lips together.

“I love you.” He whispered, pulling away for a brief moment before kissing Bill once more.

“I love you.” Tom said again, pressing another quick kiss to Bill’s lips.

“I love you.” Bill whispered back, face beaming.

Then two embraced and became lost within each other. The rain slowly letting up as Bill and Tom’s moment of passion seemed endless.

 __

Bill is eighteen when he never has doubt Tom’s feelings again


End file.
